Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on a bicycle. Everywhere I went, gangs of youths yelled stuff out at me, like "Bike twat", "Pig on wheels", "That's a girl's bike you muppet" and "Go on wanker, do a wheelie." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boss in my police department told me to start enforcing the "No bikes on sidewalks" law, which we usually ignore. I pulled up behind the first person I saw riding a bike on a sidewalk and flashed my lights. It turned out to be a boy with Down's syndrome, who was so upset he cried and peed. FML
Today, as I was riding my bike, I saw a bunch of cute guys checking me out. Not paying attention, I then ran into a parked police car. Besides getting laughed at, I got a ticket for damaging police property. FML
Today, my bike was stolen. These things happen, so I went to work. On my walk to work, a girl pulls up on my bike and says I needed to fix the brakes, someone could kill themselves. She hands the bike to me and runs off. Not even 3 minutes pass before police surrounded me and accused me of stealing my own bike. FML
Today, after being promised a job and attending five full days of training and induction for a job as a bicycle delivery officer, I was denied the job at the very end of the last day for, "riding my bicycle too quickly on the road." FML
Today, I walked outside to this guy attempting to steal my bike. When I asked him what he was doing he calmly replied, "I'm a bike inspector. You hooked your chain all wrong! This time is a warning; next time it'll be a ticket!" He then threw his full, opened Pepsi can at me. FML
Today, I thought everyone was smiling at me because they liked my "skateboarding behind a police motorcycle" prank. Turns out, they all saw the open sewer manhole 10 metres ahead. FML
Today, it was my first day as a police officer. A couple of hours into the shift, we got a call. A man was drunkenly jeering and urinating on parked cars. That man turned out to be my father. FML
Today, I got home to three boys riding bikes out in front of my house, smiling at me. I instantly thought they were checking me out, so I smiled sweetly at them. Turns out they were flaunting the fact that they just stole all 3 of our bikes. FML
Today, it's been two weeks since I honked, screamed, and cussed at a cyclist on the road. Since then, my car has been keyed, my tires have been slashed, bricks have been thrown at my windows, and my number has been put on Craigslist as a gay prostitute. FML
Today, some blowhard on a motorcycle yelled at me for jaywalking, causing him to almost hit a dumpster. He picked up and threw an empty beer can at me when I started giggling at the sticker on the front of his helmet that said, "If you can read this, I have lost my caravan." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Kyuubi1589 1
Do the wheelie. Show em' who's boss!
iAmScrubs 19
Bad boys bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when my bike chain break loose?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (240)
KhronicSmoke 2
MUAHAHAHAHA!!!! HAHAHAHAHA THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING SOME MARK ASS COP!!!
MrWhiteGluz 1
Lol cops on bikes I can't take seriously
Calyx_fml 22
Try riding a unicycle instead. Those are more respectable. Especially with big shoes.
Zaffro 8
Not sure about Ireland but Section5 of the public order act works well in England =]
mollyluvsyew 0
Just arrest them for disorderly conduct against an officer.
vieeev 4
Well i like men in uniforms :)
hyden121 2
No one ever said the job would be easy but thank you for doing it. Now kick some butt out there!
melibear89 7
Your a cop. Get over it. We don't whine about petty crap like that.
ZielZone 4
Sucks for you
ArthursLifeSucks 2
My tease of choice would have been, "hey look at Pacific Blue over there!" haha. But seriously, should have rode right over to them and made them submit to a strip search for contraband. Any a-holes that mouth off to the police are probably also violating some laws.