Today, I walked outside to this guy attempting to steal my bike. When I asked him what he was doing he calmly replied, "I'm a bike inspector. You hooked your chain all wrong! This time is a warning; next time it'll be a ticket!" He then threw his full, opened Pepsi can at me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I was riding my bike, I saw a bunch of cute guys checking me out. Not paying attention, I then ran into a parked police car. Besides getting laughed at, I got a ticket for damaging police property. FML
Today, some blowhard on a motorcycle yelled at me for jaywalking, causing him to almost hit a dumpster. He picked up and threw an empty beer can at me when I started giggling at the sticker on the front of his helmet that said, "If you can read this, I have lost my caravan." FML
Today, I saw a bike locked to a short bollard, making it very easy to steal. Being as nice as I am, I stayed, hoping the owner would come soon and no one else would take it. Then the guy who bullied me in highschool showed up, asked me what I was doing, laughed at me, took the bike, and left. FML
Today, I saw a man on my bike that was stolen a few years ago. I asked him if I could have my bike back just wondering what he'd say. He calmly replied, "Hell no, I stole this fair and square." FML
Today, someone had put a lock on my bike. While I was trying to saw it off, the police drove by. I was arrested for trying to steal a bike and released four hours later when they figured out that it was actually my bike. FML
Today, my bike was stolen. These things happen, so I went to work. On my walk to work, a girl pulls up on my bike and says I needed to fix the brakes, someone could kill themselves. She hands the bike to me and runs off. Not even 3 minutes pass before police surrounded me and accused me of stealing my own bike. FML
Today, not only did someone steal my bike, they also managed to get wasted and drunkenly ride my stolen bike through my new screened-in front porch, destroying it and the bike. FML
Today, I saw a blond-haired guy crouched by my bike fiddling with something as I came back from the shop. Thinking he was a thief, I slammed him across the head with my helmet, knocked him over - then I realised not only was he a kid barely in his teens, he was tying his shoes. FML
Today, I was stopped by a cop while walking down the street. He was slowly trailing me before pulling along side of me and asking how my night was going. He then said, "You know I can't let you do this. Know those new jeans you bought? The sticker is still on the leg" and drove off. FML
Today, I was walking home from work going over a railway-bridge, when a 12 year old boy standing at the bottom asks if I could help him carry his bike up, as he couldn't lift it. I did it for him, and was greeted on the other side by his father - who thought I was stealing it and hit me. FML
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Top comments
FMLpuppy 3
Next time throw your closed fist at his face.
anonymousguy1569_fml_fml 8
It wouldn't have hurt though, it's a soft drink :)
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Comments (76)
bazzer69 3
Seems legit...
FMLpuppy 3
Next time throw your closed fist at his face.
AKGirlinSD 20
Similar thing happened to my neighbor. The guy was homeless and was trying to steal his bike. My neighbor did a citizens arrest but would have knocked the crap out of the thief, if he wasn't a teacher.
buckerado 19
Pull out that concealed handgun and put two in his head!
Brool_Story_Co 17
Shooting him might be overkill.
vehementbitch 4
Atleast she got a free Pepsi!
Sandman366 6
Killing someone for attempted theft of a bike? Is it like, a $20,000 bike? Couple of well placed blows would do fine...
pickles1994 18
You should have tried to give him a citizens arrest. My friend Brooke would:)
pickles1994 18
eh its whatever i usually post random gibberish this late because I can't think of anything intelligent to say and on top of that I can't sleep. I could care less what people think. I just want to see if she will end up reading this. Brooke if you are just wanted to say you're an awesome person and friend, thank you for being there for me.
Gesula 24
We thank people who may or may not be reading our comments now? First of all, I'd like to thank my- Oh wait, no, we don't.
enormouselephant 15
I'd like to thank my mom, who has always been there for me! My dad. My brothers, NOah, JUAN and sister CARAHs. The mailman for always delivering on time! And wow, the list goes on..
pickles1994 18
over half my comments get thumbed up anyway, don't give 2 cents tonight. I wonder how many thumbs down I can get:)
hellobobismyname 24
Pickles1994, I think you keep commenting because you're still hoping for a thumbs up somewhere. Your nonchalance seems... Rather forced. Just my two cents.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Brooke needs better friends.
CamcAmIaM 10
I don't know what nationality OP is, but in Canada I think you can only do a citizen's arrest when you find someone committing an indictable (more serious than bike theft) offence, or they're being "freshly pursued" by lawful authority.
pickles1994 18
33- nope, 37- your acting as if I'm a bad friend? How is that even relevant? 44- nah it doesn't need to be an indictable offense, I took law class.
CamcAmIaM 10
Well, S.494 of the Criminal Code states that; "Any one may arrest without a warrant (a) a person whom he finds committing an indictable offence; OR (b) a person who, on reasonable grounds, he believes (i) has committed a criminal offence AND (ii) is escaping from and freshly pursued by persons who have lawful authority." So, in this case, yes, it does have to be an indictable offence.
kobelstone23 13
Please for the love of all things holy never comment ever again
A100893 30
Yuck, I hate pepsi.
evig_fml 16
It would have been acceptable in my opinion had it been coke.
KixiSummer 10
Are we sure it wasn't soy-a-sauce? *soy sauce ~Looks can be deceiving~
RedstoneEditor 3
Regular is much better than diet :3
iAlissa 34
What a gent.
IAmJad 18
What a gent. What a nice lady. What a good husband. I'm starting to see a pattern in your comments...
Mech1989 13
He should audition for Who's line is it anyway! You should lock your bike up a little better.
superpoptart 24
They need to bring the show back first ):
chinchily 12
They have a new version on GSN. I haven't watched it, but I here is just alike, with some differences.
vadaaa 11
"Just alike, with some differences." Just alike. With some differences.
herpderpherpderp 13
well at least he didn't steal your bike :)
finnrambo 13
Huh well that's a shift in gears
kyani 19
At least it wasn't a coke?
karlcolt45 19
hey c'mon, you're about to start a cola flame war over here
gc327072 31
Mexican coca-cola is supreme. Real cane sugar, and comes is a fabulous glass bottle that says MEDIO LITRO on it. mm tasty.
karlcolt45 19
dude so much good
karlcolt45 19
well at least he didn't ticket you
octopussperm125 18
Can they impound bicycles?, just wondering really b/c that would be kinda funny