Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on a bicycle. Everywhere I went, gangs of youths yelled stuff out at me, like "Bike twat", "Pig on wheels", "That's a girl's bike you muppet" and "Go on wanker, do a wheelie." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boss in my police department told me to start enforcing the "No bikes on sidewalks" law, which we usually ignore. I pulled up behind the first person I saw riding a bike on a sidewalk and flashed my lights. It turned out to be a boy with Down's syndrome, who was so upset he cried and peed. FML
Today, as I was riding my bike, I saw a bunch of cute guys checking me out. Not paying attention, I then ran into a parked police car. Besides getting laughed at, I got a ticket for damaging police property. FML
Today, my bike was stolen. These things happen, so I went to work. On my walk to work, a girl pulls up on my bike and says I needed to fix the brakes, someone could kill themselves. She hands the bike to me and runs off. Not even 3 minutes pass before police surrounded me and accused me of stealing my own bike. FML
Today, after being promised a job and attending five full days of training and induction for a job as a bicycle delivery officer, I was denied the job at the very end of the last day for, "riding my bicycle too quickly on the road." FML
Today, I walked outside to this guy attempting to steal my bike. When I asked him what he was doing he calmly replied, "I'm a bike inspector. You hooked your chain all wrong! This time is a warning; next time it'll be a ticket!" He then threw his full, opened Pepsi can at me. FML
Today, I thought everyone was smiling at me because they liked my "skateboarding behind a police motorcycle" prank. Turns out, they all saw the open sewer manhole 10 metres ahead. FML
Today, it was my first day as a police officer. A couple of hours into the shift, we got a call. A man was drunkenly jeering and urinating on parked cars. That man turned out to be my father. FML
Today, I got home to three boys riding bikes out in front of my house, smiling at me. I instantly thought they were checking me out, so I smiled sweetly at them. Turns out they were flaunting the fact that they just stole all 3 of our bikes. FML
Today, it's been two weeks since I honked, screamed, and cussed at a cyclist on the road. Since then, my car has been keyed, my tires have been slashed, bricks have been thrown at my windows, and my number has been put on Craigslist as a gay prostitute. FML
Today, some blowhard on a motorcycle yelled at me for jaywalking, causing him to almost hit a dumpster. He picked up and threw an empty beer can at me when I started giggling at the sticker on the front of his helmet that said, "If you can read this, I have lost my caravan." FML
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Top comments
Kyuubi1589 1
Do the wheelie. Show em' who's boss!
iAmScrubs 19
Bad boys bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when my bike chain break loose?
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Comments (240)
Btreasure 8
Aren't you a cop?? At least your not one of the crazy ones
Complaining 13
That's disrectful for you being a cop and all. Surprise them with a visit soon.
McMike10 1
That's when you pull out your gun and tell them to snuff it
elmski87 0
Irish police officers are mostly unarmed with small armed response teams available when they're needed. Some kids shouting crap at an officer is unlikely to constitute a need for them.
slick5880 22
A good old pistol whip will solve your problem. Make an example of one of them. Violence is the answer.
comedysilver08 4
Violence is never the answer, violence is the question, and the answer is always yes!
danielabella94 0
Show em whose boos! You ride that bike and you bust peps asses!
a_nutritionist 10
poor pep :( that guy just cant catch a break. its bad enough he has multiple asses, now the cops are going around busting them...
IWATCHYOUSLEEP 7
Take out your gun, oh yea.. That f***ing beats their airsoft guns. :D
norii_fml 0
You must live in England. Wanker and muppet? Wow. Morons.
elmski87 0
Or Ireland as it clearly states above :)
HedgehogHead 0
.You must live in the USA. McDonalds and Burgers? Wow. Obese twat.
felixshen 18
You must live in america. Go and have a wank over some McDonalds you dumb fat ******
shootintacos 0
not all Americans are fat, quit stereotyping. I hate mcdonalds, only the fat ***** and the mexicans with 4 billion kids like mcdonalds.
Mons_fml 27
You should just have jumpt off your bike and tazerd the shit out of them then given them the finger as you rolld away on your bike
matt120784 0
Jumpt isn't a word wanker. You were one of those little thugs, weren't you?
aceingit 0
Not gonna lie I laughed a bit on this reply
Mons_fml 27
ppl dont blem me for mi bad enlis :C its no mi language and it makes me cri D,:
walterism 0
oh OP you don't realize how much worse it could be
catnip1997 0
lol foreigner