Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML
Today, knowing that I have severe arachnophobia, my brother brought over his friend's tarantula. One hour later, the spider got loose. It's been 5 hours and I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML
Today, I rolled up a newspaper and smashed a huge spider in my room. As I went to scoop it up with a tissue, it lurched away and fell near my bed. I can't find it, but I can sure as fuck sense the pure evil coming from it. Looks like I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. FML
Today, I finally conquered my fear of spiders by catching one in a cup and releasing it outside. Feeling proud of my bravery, I proudly showed my accomplishment to my roommate, only to realize it wasn't a spider but a piece of lint. I screamed louder than I would have for a spider. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML
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Top comments
Nyx_fml 23
Jesus. You're an arachnophobic living in Australia. FYL, OP.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Rule #2: Always Double Tap.
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Comments (130)
Exhaling 12
A spider vanished on my room a couple of days ago too. I am also extremely afraid of spiders so I decided to sleep in the living room other than my bed. Blegh.
Luceyrosegray 14
I've done that multiple times, glad to know I'm not a complete weirdo :)
DocBastard 40
Those huntsman spiders are ******* terrifying. Your best course of action is to move to Antarctica. No spiders there.
iAlissa 34
I've heard they have bird-eating tarantulas down there too. Not my cup of tea.
TunaFireStarter 16
I'm pretty darn sure there are no tarantulas on Antarctica. I've only heard of sea spiders down there.
SmuggletheBudgie 15
Huntsmans are awesome you can pick them up and they rarely bite humans. Also having a huntsman in your room means no mosquitos which I would much prefer over having no spiders in the house. Also they're non venemous.
botanistjessica 24
"Huntsman" are actually rather venomous, their fangs just aren't long enough to pierce human flesh.
nesscafe_fml 17
I had a huntsman land on my head once. I've been scarred ever since.
KingreX32 21
FYL #84 I'm sorry to hear that dude.
Levvy 22
#54: You seem to be confusing huntsmen spiders with harvestmen, as their fangs are plenty large enough to bite and cause minor infections. You are probably thinking of the myth about harvestmen (AKA "daddy longlegs") having deadly poison but tiny fangs - which is false on both counts, as they don't even HAVE fangs.
nesscafe_fml 17
116- No, it was definitely a Huntsman spider. I live in Australia like OP and they are very common here. Google them, they can be huge.
nesscafe_fml 17
Oh and 116- I meant emotionally scarred, not physically.
Levvy 22
I was addressing post #54. I'm hardly denying huntsman spiders can land on peoples heads and scare the bejeesus out of them! I'm not quite sure what you inferred from my post, but none of your responses seem to actually address what I was saying, unless I am massively misinterpreting yours.
Levvy 22
Ah. It looks like you may have misread 54 as 84 and thought I was responding to you.
nesscafe_fml 17
Whoops, my bad!
Levvy 22
Mistakes happen. It's all good. Happy new year!
emxy92 22
And then there are the 7 spiders an average person swallows in their sleep...
dreadbeat69 12
Speaking of statistics, I wonder how many times ridiculous "facts" get posted online every day?
rocker_chick105 31
If you want to put "facts" up, at least put a timeframe... like, do we swallow 7 spiders in one night? A week? Year? The FML community MUST know!
Rainhawk94 27
How about never
emxy92 22
I was telling an urban myth more than a "fact". I agree that if you want facts this isn't the place. I was always told it was in a year but other people will say different things.
Crazc 15
how does one live in Australia and be afraid of spiders
worldclassrager 41
Always and I mean always when you kill a spider make sure it's dead and dispose of it in some way where it can't hide...like flush if down the toilet or throw the remains out the window...
XSeraphinX 18
No! Fire up the little shit! Remember that bug the climbed up another OP private parts? Kill them all with fire.
Nikkitaria 9
When I read huge spider I imagined 2-3 cm. After I read Australia, I'm convinced it was at least 10 cm.
ohnowhyme123 15
I paid my brother 20$ to kill a spider once
Kstruggles 15
I had this happen to me as well. And it was in the hallway right outside my bedroom. I was freaked. But I did manage to pretend it hadn't disappeared.
riashah 14
He's plotting a scheme to kill you now ! Paybacks a bitch :p
SmuggletheBudgie 15
i'd say that description fits more nicely with humans personally.