Today, I spent six hours making chicken and black bean chili for a big family gathering. I go to use the restroom. I come back to the pot on the floor with my cat standing in the chili, eating it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML
Today, I made a pot of chili. My wife came home, sniffed the air, and said, "You're sleeping in the guest room until you eat all that chili. You fart like a trucker and I can't sleep." FML
Today, my mom sent me home with some delicious-looking BBQ ribs because I'd missed a cookout due to work. I set them on the counter, intent on putting them in the oven, but had to make a quick run to the bathroom. I came back to find my roommate's cat sitting in the plate, covered in sauce, as he helped himself. FML
Today, I was making a nacho and grabbed some refried beans that were in a plastic container out of the fridge and put them on top of the chips. After I’m completely done eating my mom looks in the fridge and asked me if I knew where the cat food was. I just ate a small can of cat food. FML
Today, getting tired of my usual turkey/tuna salad/chicken sandwiches, I made a pot of soup to take to work for lunch. My girlfriend woke up in the middle of the night to forage for snacks, spilled it all over the floor, and woke me up to clean it. FML
Today, I made dinner for myself after a long day full of annoying family drama. I had the pan sizzling away when I went to grab some herbs from the fridge. As I turned around, I tripped on the rug, sending the entire frying pan of food flying into the air. It landed directly in front of my never-endingly hungry dogs, so I watched as my ruined dinner disappeared. FML
Today, I went to make chilli and instead of just using 3 cups of water like the recipe called for, I ended up using 3 quarts somehow. Now I have a pot of hot and spicy meat water. FML
Today, I lovingly simmered a chicken carcass, vegetables and spices to make soup. Two hours it took. After all that, I mindlessly strained out the chicken bones and let the soup pour straight down the sink. FML
Today, after a week of working 18-hour days, I finally sat down to eat more than a sandwich. Unfortunately my kitchen has become a mess and I bypassed the clean bowl I'd put on the counter and ate my ice cream out of the cat's dirty food bowl. FML
Today, I ate a bowl of my girlfriend's homemade chili. She went a little heavy on the spices, but I ate it anyway. An hour later, I can now say that if it burns going in, it will explode coming out your rear. FML
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Top comments
danpaddy 7
I think the replacement will be a cat and black bean chilli. FYL op.
irwingiggles 26
And that's why I always locked up my cat in the living room while cooking. I hope for you that the family gathering wasn't ruined
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Comments (57)
Angreal 14
How big is that cat to knock over a vat of chilli?!
ThrottleJockey 36
Cat, the other white meat.
wobbly1 16
Chicken of the trees.
chaosmagnet 9
This is exactly why we would put our cat in our bedroom while we cook. Or lock down the garbage if we had any meat and the scraps got thrown away.
trucker2 33
Must have thought you was opening cat cans..... Time to face the music, that fur ball is family... and a food critic too.
KitKat20_fml 20
This is why you shouldn't feed your pets animal food. Sorry OP but that was your own doing.
haddiej 21
What? Do you mean you shouldn't feed your pets people food? OP didn't feed the cat, it got into the chili. And I hardly think they deserve it for needing to use the restroom.
KxHoneyCombxP 24
I would have marched that cat straight outside and called animal control to have it picked up.
DoomedGemini 38
Never own a pet.
GhostFox 34
With #44. You basically summed up about half the reason most pets wind up strays or impounded, as well as why a fair number of kids wind up in the foster system. If you aren't willing to take care of an animal or child after the first time they do something to annoy or inconvenience you, then you are the type of person who should never be allowed to have an animal or child. When you have one- whether by adoption or birth- you are accepting the responsibility to care for that animal or human until either you are unable to, you die, or they die. Not until the first time they misbehave. Maybe animal control should be called on you, #35.
straymondar 10
Time to kill the sh!t out of that cat
Anon E Muss 11
This reminds me of when Kevin from The Office made his famous chili, and then spilled it all over the floor, anyone else? (Also, it's okay OP, you have a pretty great Username if I do say so myself)
CrassKal 27
How does it take six hours to make chili?
glover425 6
It should take around 4 hours, with 2 for soaking the beans and about 1 and a half for cooking them, then the rest of the time for cooking the extras and letting the beans absorb their flavors.
speakthylove 11
They were cooking a huge pot for a family gathering. Whenever you cook large quantities of food, it always takes a long time.
Suzi_d16 27
Whenever we make a large quantity of chilli it takes an hour at most. 6 hours is crazy. I smell a lie.
latincristo 3
Welp feed em the cat