Today, I snuck downstairs to watch a midnight movie. One moment I'm trying to plug my headphones in, in the dark, and the next my dad's beating the shit out of me with a baseball bat. Turns out he snuck down after me for a midnight snack and thought I was a burglar disconnecting the TV. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got up at 2 AM to grab a snack. I quietly crept down the stairs, only to find my dad, mom, and a couple of their friends having a secret poker game. Now they think I have a sleepwalking problem. FML
Today, my dad reactivated a digital clock we had lying around, and accidentally set an alarm on it. For 1 a.m.. So guess who went hunting for that noise in the middle of night. And guess who banished the thing to the living room, then forgot about it, and slept on the sofa in said living room. Or tried to. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML
Today, after making fun of my dad for years because he falls asleep in front of the TV every night by 9:30, I sat down “just for a minute” after work and woke up at 2 a.m. fully dressed, lights on, with Netflix asking if I was still watching, and a half-eaten wrap stuck to my chest. FML
Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML
Today, I awoke in the midst of the night to find my half-naked dad drunkenly arguing with the microwave. FML
Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend's house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying "There's a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]" Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML
Today, I found out the hard way that my dad sleeps in the nude, when I rushed into my parents room at 3 a.m. to inform them that there was a bat in the house. FML
Today, I tried to sneak into the kitchen for a midnight snack. I stubbed my toe so hard on a stool leg, I yelped then tried to keep as quiet as possible. My mom came running, thinking our cat and dog were fighting and hissing again. I hobbled back to bed, only to realize I didn't actually get any food. FML
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Top comments
MrsHaxxo 22
At least he is trying to protect his family.
Hoopachi 19
Holy crap? What happened afterwards?? Hope you're okay OP!
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Comments (82)
outfielder55 17
I'm scared this will happen to me one night getting a snack. Mostly because both my parents have guns in their nightstands.
soccerbeast24680 8
U deserved it
TallMist 32
Yeah, he broke the rules by sneaking around the house when he was clearly not allowed to, but he doesn't deserve having his shit beaten out of him by a damn baseball bat! And even then, that's implying he's not allowed to be wandering the house at night, instead of just trying to be considerate.
limabeans101029 21
Plus he might not have even been breaking the rules. Maybe he just "snuck" so that he didn't wake anyone up.
savemeSheehan 8
well at least you know your dads willing to protect you by beating stranger with a bat
neppy 6
At first I was like "man, you have a really strict dad" but if he thought you were a burglar... well, hopefully you weren't hurt too badly!
tehstarchild 16
Well that will buy you some guilt points: Dad: you came home at 3am last morning and woke me up OP: remember that time you beat me with a baseball bat
Hitman77 2
Like father _ like son!
lndala 15
I'm very curious to know what this movie was
renegadekid2002 14
I would have called the cops and sued him for abuse
Rosslom01 12
Oh my word!!! that really sucks, hope you are ok though, maybe you need a TV in your room?
Hellsing1993 7
Holy shit that was my house somebody would've been a shooting at me??