Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey. On my forehead. FML

Dominion

Today, I told my boyfriend I was unsure of the future of our relationship, so he gave me a gigantic hickey to "show the world that I'm his." I work as a cashier and see people I know personally on a daily basis. FML

Today, my girlfriend met my parents for the first time. The first thing my mom said to my girlfriend was, "Honey, are you ok? You look like you got hives." FML

How very dare you!

Today, I found out that my girlfriend started a fake argument and pretended to be mad at me for four days, which was almost enough time for the gigantic hickey that my best friend gave her on her neck to heal. FML

Please stay!

Today, my girlfriend cried and begged me not to leave her, saying her "hickey" was a burn from a curling iron. That might be believable if it was one on her neck and not in four places on her tits and thighs. FML

Today, I got to my human anatomy class with a hickey on my neck. Since I sit in the front row, my professor noticed and decided to call me to the front. He then started talking about ruptured blood vessels and hickeys, all while as I served as the subject. FML

Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML

Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend wiping a booger off her finger and onto my lip. FML

Today, I made out with my friend for the first time. He gave me a hickey that can't be hidden. I'm the president of my church youth group and I have to help give a seminar on keeping your body like a holy temple... Tomorrow. FML