Today, it's the first evening that my husband and I will have without the kids in 8 months. We had been looking forward to it for ages, and my husband had even bought me some lovely new lingerie for the occasion. Guess what? I just got diarrhea. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally able to settle on having a day out together after putting it off for months because of work/other random reasons. This morning I woke up with the worst case of diarrhea I’ve ever had in my life. I won’t be leaving the bathroom anytime soon. FML
Today, it's my wedding day, and I have uncontrollable diarrhea. FML
Today, I surprised my wife with some new lingerie for our upcoming anniversary, thinking she would like it. Instead of a thank you, I got an ungrateful attitude from her instead. FML
Today, I received the gifts of my period, diarrhea, severe dizziness and double vision, and an ant infestation in my home. These were followed by the glaring absence of any gifts from my husband. Happy 40th to me. FML
Today, I left the house for a while and when I came back my husband was wearing my lacy lingerie. He looks better in it than I do. FML
Today, my kid has severe diarrhoea. My husband said he was going out to get medicine. Two long, painful hours later, I find he's out eating and chilling with his friends. FML
Today, I found out that explosive diarrhea can happen, and at the most inopportune times, such as on the day of MY wedding. At the altar, while my husband said his vows. FML
Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML
Today, I farted in front of my husband for the first time in 26 years. He told our kids over email, and now they won't shut up about it. FML
Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML
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Top comments
allmidnighteyes 11
So? He can still play in the mud.
allmidnighteyes 11
I think the diarrhea addition was a clever ploy to detract our attention away from what they did to their children in order to get that away time. I'm onto you, OP. ಠ_ಠ
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Comments (118)
thrill2000 0
what a lovely present to give him
powersmoke 0
Shove a cork in your ass and pick up where you left off.
comeonnow1989 0
TMI, OP. TMI.
Brockbfball1563 5
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEmSDQR_7vU
pancakes_n_syrup 0
I don't understand why the op is so upset either..she's saying "tonight" like she still has a few hours..4 hours of pepto bismol and it will be cleared right up.
cowgod 0
i though she was pregnant 8 months and pooped out the baby. but then i reread it.
FarSide 23
Sure is going to be messy when he is getting it.
Antivirus_fml 0
LOL!!!!!!! You made me laugh so hard!
SillyPoop 0
Plug it up baby! Use protection! haha! Diarrhea song anyone?
Kenziechristinee 0
lol. rub it on his face lol do it lol guys like it and get it in his mouth he will smile lol. he was be so fukin happy lol do it lol.
allmidnighteyes 11
So? He can still play in the mud.
zenti 2
That's so gross, but it made me laugh out loud!
ScaryyMary 14
Only if they're into fudge-packing. And the fudge is just a bit melted. Oh, and you're "number two" LOL.
MintyMcGraw 0
Tasty! Have you guys considered making mud pies?
Arian_fml 0
Use this as a chance to experiment ;)
Butcher_1419 0
lol play in the mud
Mustardnight 3
Did you just come? No honey, thats you im afraid.
roaminginsomniac 0
SO? Use something to get rid of it, and then have fun! That's NOT a good excuse. FYDL!
MintyMcGraw 0
FYDL? **** Your Deserved Life?
sweet_j_tbr 0
**** Your Dumb Life?
Maddoctor 10
**** your diarrhea life. ...I think.
Kenziechristinee 0
LOL. this iz so funny. ur life iz so fuked. lol I fel bad 4 u lol. lol zomg this iz so fukin funny I wud rub the diarea on ur hubbys face lol that wud be so funny. lol do it he wil lik it. I wud. yay
Mylees 0
79# lmfao!!!!!!! lol oh I'm dying
DoomJeff91 2
Get a Styrofoam cup.... I just got an idea.
allmidnighteyes 11
Some people like to kiss, some people like to hug, Some lesbians like eating each others' shit out of a cup
TheHo 0
LOLLLLLLLL
DoomJeff91 2
Allmidnighteyes, I read your comment to the tune of a song. Was this your intention?
allmidnighteyes 11
tis a song by the amazing Jon Lajoie
nolimits 0
Hey! You didn't even give us a chance to guess :(
nmx 0
YDI for having children.
MilkyFilmz 26
Yeah so the next time your parents get hurt, tell them it's their fault for having you.
gaximus 0
get in the shower and get it on. maybe light some dented candles
nolimits 0
Yea, and bust out the Lysol and some Febreeze