Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
**** your "beach body" noise
Today, my daughter expressed wanting to lose weight so I took her to a licensed dietician nutritionist to get her a healthy eating plan, and even made her an appointment with a personal trainer to get her on track. I walked in on her eating a whole box of laxatives, because "this way is faster." FML
Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML
Today, I discovered that my daughter refuses to eat, but not because she's anorexic. Apparently, her health class has learned about the digestive system and now she refuses to "take part in something so gross." FML
Today, I found out why my daughter eats so many sugary baked goods. According to her, when you bake things, all the sugar and calories are "released" and so you can't gain weight from it. It seems I raised a moron. FML
Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML
Today, I managed to convince my sister that when you press down the diet button on the lid of a McDonald's cup it turns whatever is in there diet. I pressed the button and she started shouting how she hates diet drinks. She's 19. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school. Apparently, she was learning about the food pyramid and when she was asked to identify what she had eaten the day before, she said "dog food". FML
Louis Pasteur wept
Today, my sister was concerned that her daughter (my niece) was sick, and hesitant to take her to the ER. I asked if she'd eaten something she shouldn't have, and she replied, "No, especially since we feed her the most healthy food we can." This was fine until I flipped out when she said, "We even give her raw milk so that she'll be strong." FML
Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML
Top comments
Harpy20 24
She'll figure it out when she's starving.
aforbiddendance 23
I don't think your daughter should worry about her weight at this age..
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Comments (133)
Harpy20 24
She'll figure it out when she's starving.
fuckyourlifeOP 25
*dying of starvation* Dad, I think this diet thing is really working!
bubblyhayley 16
shes not an idiot, shes 13 and needs guidance. ..
Odis12 11
Even if you could get all the correct vitamins and minerals from such a diet consisting of only water you'd still starve. Your body needs physical sustenance.
dvojplisen 25
Of course she's an idiot. You have some ******* biology in your schools, don't you, eh?
Enslaved 38
Sounds like those "Mio" water enhancer drops. Zero calories probably made her think it was an ideal "diet" drink since it's water vs soda and some say it gives you energy, where she might have thought it had vitamins in it like those VitaminWaters. Don't be too harsh on a 13 year old by calling her an idiot. This is the age of body image issues. I'd hate to think that since you're the "dad" you might not understand what young impressionable young girls go through at that age. Now is the time to encourage future good eating and exercise habits instead of quick weight lose fads. Stock your fridge with healthier snacks and do fun family outdoor activities where she can exercise and watch you exercise as well to know the whole family cares about health. (:
Adeptasaurus 12
I similarly had a friend that thought the same thing. Minus the food coloring. He had read online that a blind man became able to see because of nothing ( yes nothing ) but water for a month. The Internet is not always true, but if you know where to look it is a powerful tool
disneyguy 4
She's an idiot
nevershouttami 11
You would think a 13 year old would realize that food coloring has no nutritional value.
randombaxer1 11
#36... not an idiot because she's 13? Hilarious. You do know most of us figure this out at the age of like, 10 or under, right?
aforbiddendance 23
I don't think your daughter should worry about her weight at this age..
mxij 13
I agree, but sadly society has turned many people into being obsessed with their appearance regardless of age.
geekchick88 17
In today's world, that's what young girls worry about. If you think it's that much of a problem, join the fight against stick thin models and the use of Photoshop. I fight because if I don't, these girls will grow up like me. I'm 25, a size 4, and I still look in the mirror and think I'm fat.
aforbiddendance 23
I am only 16 years old. I think I'm fat, everyone at my age does. My 14 year old sister is anorexic.. Some people at my age decide to lose weight and some don't, but no one is really happy with theirselfs at this age and even though it seems normal (at this age), it really isn't.
Ambient25 25
It's as much the girls being messed with as it is the guys. Guys in our society are taught to treat stick thin girls as the "ultimate" beauty, to negate personality or character and focus more on the "hour glass" figure. It's unfair, and not everyone is built the same. I think beauty is what is in the heart. Yes, you can take care of your body physically, but you should do it out of virtue, not conformity.
Lil_Red777 21
#13 there's nothing wrong with thin models. Not all models have eating disorders some people are built tiny. I know because I used to model and I never had to starve myself. I eat all the time and don't gain weight. Some people are lucky...I have several small friends that think they're huge and they're not. It's heartbreaking. And don't think because I'm tiny I never got bullied about my weight. I've been told I look anorexic and I'm too small even though for my height I weigh the right amount and am very healthy.
edanielleh 21
yeah, but diets at her age are super common. I started dieting at 12. I think if we focused more on healthy eating (less fast food, more veggies) we would have less of this.
dvojplisen 25
Society? Ehh, you don't need some sort of special education to know that without a proper food supplement, you'll die. These people are just idiots.
fluffywaspluka 7
#18 I'm 14 and have no problems with myself. Not hard to get over it.
Lil_Red777 21
#59 then you're lucky. But a lot of people are made to feel bad about themselves. But just because it's easy for you doesn't mean it is for everyone.
alycion 39
2 there are kids that need to be concerned about their weight. Some are in a dangerous weight range that can cause all sorts of medical issues and the longer it takes to lose the weight, the harder it gets. People are mean towards those who are over weight too, which causes self esteem and depression issues. Fad diets and starvation isn't the answer though. This is when they should be taught about proper nutrition and exercise habits. Many schools are doing away with recess and pe. I know in my hs, we had access to candy and sodas between classes. Toss in heavier work loads for homework and most entertainment being done in front of a computer and many kids are developing issues at an earlier age. Schools and parents should be teaching proper choices. This may help a couple out who have a distorted body image regardless of weight and keep them from going the extreme route. It's never too early to learn balance.
ShannonBitt 29
I agree that she shouldn't worry about her weight at that age to an extent. If she's morbidly obese, she needs to realize that's not healthy and she should try to lose weight, but not on her own.
Drag0nb0rn 22
#2 So are you saying that I as a 14 year old boy should be perfectly happy with being 250+ pounds and should continue on my trend of gaining ridiculous amounts of weight in a short period of time instead of trying to lose weight and become healthy?
parism143 28
I started dieting and trying to lose weight at 8 and still struggling at 15 because my own family tells me I'm fat and should lose weight. The blame shouldn't entirely be placed on the media, it also has to do with culture and whatnot. In Iran, where I'm from, you are considered beautiful when you are slender and tall. I'm short and rounded, I'd have an hourglass figure I suppose if I had less body fat, so I get stared at and get looked down upon and get degrading looks if I'm eating something in public. I can't help it if I am the way I am. It's how I was raised and what people don't understand is that unless you want to lose weight for you it's just never going to happen.
FrancesShiver 20
I'm 13 and I worry too much about my weight. It's not unusual, sadly.
DEATHLORD_fml 16
If you really think that, you're ******* retarded. I'm sorry, but you are. When I was 12, I was over 200 pounds and would be all like "I rlly need to lose weight" while going to get something else to eat.Obesity is in kids too, not just adults.
Justine Malang 16
I disagree. depends on her situation. It's a good thing to be aware of your own health in early age.
Ambient25 25
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Your daughter is about as dumb as a vegan. She'll realize just how much she misses real food once she starts losing strength. Still, take her to a steak house or something. Nobody can pass that up. Also find out who the hell gave her the idea of food coloring being good for you, and smack the hell out of them.
geekchick88 17
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I know many vegans who are probably healthier than you and don't miss meat at all. Comparing them to this girl puts you in the same class of stupidity.
Ambient25 25
Let's see, you said "healthy vegans". I do know quite a few of them, 2 of which tried Crossfit with me. They had no endurance despite spending at least a year in it. As for referring to me for being stupid since I don't have the same opinion as you, I guess that puts you in the "bitch" category.
doodlecloud 27
Whoa whoa, don't go around calling people bitches when they're just trying to get rid of stereotypes. It wasn't lovely of her to call you stupid, no, but then it wasn't nice of you to use vegan as a benchmark of stupidity either. Just because you know some vegans who didn't have great endurance doesn't mean they're all like that. I think a lot of people don't do the vegan diet well but I'm sure there are some that are healthy and have fine, strength endurance, etc.
wallandpiece 16
Sorry but I don't think vegans are stupid at all. They simply do not wish to eat animals, and don't wish to steal from them either (taking things such as eggs). I think not wanting to harm animals in any way is a sign of intelligence and peace rather than simply following the social norm of eating meat "because it's already dead anyway" and "it tastes nice". I'm not a vegan, only a vegetarian. But I sympathise with vegans.
Iguanadon 14
You do realise if you don't milk a cow it becomes very uncomfortable for the cow? so vegans aren't being helpful there. Honey and everything produced by bees has amazing health benefits that vegans miss out on. I also know vegans who don't ride horses because they're vegans Vegetarians I understand and sympathise with as im not a fan of red meats but vegans are doing nothing healthy for themselves. They require supplements most of the time which is a sign your diet isn't adequate.
dvojplisen 25
I'm sorry, but using vegans as a benchmark for stupidity is perfectly corrrect. There's no reason for dropping any natural constituent of human food.
wallandpiece 16
Yeah but what if they would rather sacrifice some health because they don't want to eat any animal products. Why are you calling them stupid? That is such an unimaginative and overused criticism. It's up to them what they eat, I'm sure they are all perfectly aware of the health 'risks'. I know some people who have been vegan pretty much all their lives and they are still alive..
alycion 39
49 most people require supplements. They just figure since they are eating a well rounded diet that they don't. When was the last time most people had levels checked. My b12, folic acid and d levels are in the toilet due to health issues and medications. A lot of meds zap a nutrient from you. While being a vegan isn't for me, if they choose to do it properly, it can be healthy. I knew one who lived off of potatoes. No real protein. No real anything. I know someone else who went vegan because of all of the crap animals are shot up with that not only comes out in the meat, but their other products as well. They also went all organic everywhere else. Being concerned about consuming these chemicals and antibiotics isn't a bad thing. When I got sick I was told to stick to organic foods. When I actually do so, I feel better. Flare ups aren't as severe. And no matter what diet I'm on, I'm on supplements. Doctors orders.
billiejoeinabox 7
Just let her figure it out herself. She'll learn.
jolie21 18
This is a very dangerous step to take, it could affect his daughter's health..so yeah not a good idea!
TheCrispyCat 20
You COULD do that, but then you would be known as the parent that doesn't give a shit about their daughter's nutrition.
FangirlingAlways 14
Or when she realizes that she is starving herself and that when you do that your body puts on extra weight. It's called, " survival mode".
geekchick88 17
I agree with the first comment. She can't possibly be stupid enough to starve herself. Of course, anyone who thinks food coloring has any nutritional value has hit entirely unheard of levels of stupid, so I would keep a close eye on her.
extrasnipes 22
I am near that age, some people will starve themselves on purpose for a good body because of jerks who make people insecure but this, this is even more stupid because she thinks it's a good idea.
Sketch98 3
I think she needs to watch more Big Bang Theory at least...
rockne93 17
I'm glad she had a chat with you before she did it. Kids find some dangerous things on the Internet pertaining to diets. They see what's in the media and some of them will do whatever it takes, no matter the health risks. Make sure she knows she's perfect the way she is. Body image is hard to cope with. I know I've had my struggles
DreamStatic 8
I hope she means drink mix not food coloring!
Darkblade21 20
What.
jixiekat 14
umm. yea she means food coloring
kmccain 27
That still isn't any better.
Karcasm 7
Surely at THIRTEEN, she should know water and food colouring (or whatever they're claiming it to be) is a starvation diet and will not sustain you. IDIOTS. IDIOTS EVERYWHERE.
Dynosaur_dollie 38
I don't understand why she should know this automatically at 13. I grew up with a mum always on the latest diets and I certainly had not been taught much about 'starvation diets' and the harm they could do. a couple years later yeah of course, but depending on her school and her parents she may not have been explained these things. Call me crazy but I think a parent should educate and guide their child not call them names on the internet. It seems a lot of people are forgetting that 13 is still a child, she's still learning and now going through teen years, I'd be willing to bet this won't be the last dumb thing she does..
polishguy05 15
Just give her a couple of years she'll mature by then... Or with the way our generation is headed she might be pretty much screwed.
speakersboom 19
yeah, let her starve herself for a few years. cause she can survive that long on just water. that'll help...