Today, I'm staying at my grandparents' house. I went upstairs to grab my sketchbook to show off to my grandma. My grandpa is half-deaf, which I guess explains how he didn't hear me. I heard him though, jerking off and muttering the most disgusting sexual things about "Tara." I'm Tara. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I'm staying with my grandmother and overheard her having phone sex. FML
Today, I decided to surprise-visit my grandparents. After knocking on the door and not getting a response, I opened it and walked in. Upon entering their house and yelling, "Hello", as I turned the corner I saw my near-deaf grandmother folding clothes while watching TV. She was topless. FML
Today, my grandpa forgot that my aunt set up a baby monitor in his bedroom in case of a fall. I’m sitting in the living room with his wife - who is deaf - and I hear him moaning over the baby monitor. My grandfather was jerking off and forgot that someone could hear him. I wish I could forget too. FML
Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML
Today, I was alone at my dad's house. I was furiously masturbating when I knocked something over. It was my grandmother's ashes. FML
Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML
Today, I visited my Grandma's house, and my uncle happened to be there. As expected, and all the time, he greeted with his signature shit-eating, "I see what you did there" face. He's been doing that to me ever since he saw me masturbating when I was a little kid. I'm 47, married, and have 2 kids now. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I was apparently really loud, because when we finished I heard his mom and grandma sarcastically imitating me outside. FML
Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
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Top comments
cOOkiEzRgOOd 22
Some things just cannot be unheard OP. Maybe it's time to distance yourself.
Redoxx_fml 22
Bet you wish you were deaf
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Comments (110)
cOOkiEzRgOOd 22
Some things just cannot be unheard OP. Maybe it's time to distance yourself.
crudeandrudeguy 29
I first read this as half dead, it still made sense though
fuckedPriceless 17
take it as a compliment
ShowMeKay 20
#68 Really? You actually think OP should be flattered? You're one of those "wincest" commenters aren't you :/
CelesteGomes 25
Did anyone think of The movie "The Visit"?? Creepy as hell
bibble27 9
#63 I made the same mistake when I read it. It wasn't until your comment I realized it was "deaf" ?
falloutboytrash 10
Wincest!!
Sam_Dchi 23
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Am I the only one who read op's username and thought that her name could be Tara?
yoitsbeau 10
wow who could've thought
nominaski 25
she clearly states her name is Tara in the post.
EdenZombies 9
I think he's trying to say that he guessed the name was Tara before he read the fml, when he saw her username..
TheLynx_fml 20
Why does this comment have negative votes
UmmOkThen 31
I suggest you don't stay in the room alone with him.
RainTears 15
i agree, else he will try and force OP into submission with the pickup lines he's perfected over the years
Otherhats 20
Ok, grandpa is creepy... But, that doesn't mean he's going to try and get freaky with her the first chance he gets.
venomousflower 24
I don't what to say
Iwannarock1 19
I don't *know what to say either.
Mauskau 36
Damnit brain, I completely skipped over the fact that there wasn't a "know" in that sentence and read it like there was.
xx000o 27
At that age they have to use any mind trigger they can just to try and get off. In all probability she doesn't have anything to worry about, he doesn't know that she heard him. It's his own little secret.
crudeandrudeguy 29
If he's that old you're probably the only female he can remember well enough to visualize, despite being gross maybe give the old fart a pass...
spudking 19
That's her grandfather. Getting off thinking of her. That goes beyond "his own little secret."
venomousflower 24
Wow I'm an idiot
WCARlover 35
that's so messed up....maybe he's not all there mentally and thinks that's okay? :/ eek...
aryoni 7
I'm sorry OP, that's tough.
LaLince 40
Run. Run fast.
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Tara is a fairly common name, I know a few. It could be a different Tara..............hopefully.
Colon_Man 17
Exactly. I've been in love with Julianne Moore for decades. Then, my sister had to go and marry a guy with the last name Moore. (My sister is named Julianne, if I didn't make that clear)
loveforever2015 5
no Tara is not a common name at all..
gabismendonca2 14
Just one reaction: O M G
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Becky look at that butt!
countryb_cth 38
Her*
Redoxx_fml 22
Bet you wish you were deaf
Paradise_in_Hell 2
and blind