Today, I realized that my coach doesn't close the door and the blinds to perform half-naked body checks (to make sure his team is in shape) on anyone else but me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend's parents walked in on us having sex. Not only did her dad make me walk out to my truck with no clothes on, he is my baseball coach and I will be seeing him on Monday. FML
Today, in basketball practice my coach was putting is in teams to run drills. He points to me and says, "You, go babysit my son by the stage." FML
Today, I was in the gym when I noticed three trainers who worked there staring at me. Thinking that they were checking me out, i turned the speed on the treadmill higher. Finally one of the trainers came over, and asked me to leave until I got a sports bra that actually worked. FML
Today, a new session started for my swimming squad. I walked down to the pool, tripped over a stray equipment bag, and belly-flopped into the pool in front of everyone, fully clothed. I'm the coach. FML
Today, I accidentally tackled my own teammate during a rugby match, so our coach made me walk the 5 miles back home instead of driving me home with the rest of the team. FML
Today, I had a gymnastics meet. I thought I was done with my period, but when I was up on the beam warming up my routine, one of my coaches called me down and told me that I apparently wasn't. My coach goes around asking my teammates moms if they had any pads. My dad caught this all on tape. FML
Today, I needed to pee at my friend's house. His bathroom door is often left closed even if there's no one in there, so I knocked just to make sure. His stepdad opened the door stark naked. FML
Today, I walked into the restroom at work, only to find my boss stroking and playing with himself. I have my annual performance assessment with him in an hour. FML
Today, at the gym, a very attractive lady was working out in front of me, wearing tiny shorts that left zero to the imagination. I kept trying to avert my gaze, until her extremely buff boyfriend came over and threatened me. My crime? I wasn’t checking out his girl enough. FML
Today, my boss decided to start a sport challenge where we should set a training goal and report about achieving it. Okay, I go to the gym a few days a week, but I'm really not interested in this collective motivation crap. Later, our boss hinted that if I don't take part, I may get fired for breaking the team spirit. FML
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Top comments
zrhcrx 0
report him...that behavior sounds suspicious
drawne 0
I could be wrong, but I think sexual abuse goes quite a lot further than simply "FML"...
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Comments (91)
DunHassleDuhHoff 0
Intoxicunt and Plexico are the reason people still know the term 'FML' :D
Intoxicunt 6
Lol.
TheRoker 0
Its called weight watchers...
sjx 0
It's called "he wasn't really checking for body fat".
Metsfan2009 0
It depends are you a boy or girl?
mollytamale 1
I got it right away, i didnt think it was worded weird. And wow awkward. But did it occur to anyone that the coach could be a woman? Not that it matters much but, just a point i dont think anyone else made. :) and cati , the locker rooms at my school is re exact same way. Haha
letoileceleste 0
lol =P Not meaning to offend, but it says 'his' team.
everydayepiphany 0
Definitely file a suit against him.what an idiot
im_da_man 5
either your ugly or he/she is a perv. especially if its a man and you're a woman or vice versa.
murderofcrows 0
Plexico and intoxicunt, aren't you shamed that you spend a vast majority of your life on FML? I wouldn't have a problem with it, except that every single thread I read I have to read on and on and on about your "clever" remarks, which are < (that's less than, thought you might need reminding after your brain has been hardwired to try and be "cool" on a gag website) witty and > (that's more) annoying. I just don't get it. Is it cool to be recognized by an average person who rarely goes on this site, and to be so blatantly stupid and pointless? Don't you have a job? Kids? Family? Friends? A dog? Anything? You don't and will never have any type of awesomeness from flooding a websites threads. This does not make you popular. This makes you pathetic. The humane society has plenty of kitties that you can adopt and they'll sit there and listen to your lame opinions and purr, but that's as far as either of you should go. I mean, really, c'mon. I wrote this comment from my blackberry, I'm sure I've made typos and just to head you off; you're still not f+cking cool after your thought out and calculated retaliation. Hell, I won't even read it because I have a life and thus no time. I hope you both will finally shut up, so maybe, JUST MAYBE, I can read a thread without having to face how utterly sad some people are. Thanks!
anything_els 0
I second that.
kaleid0scopeEyes 0
They are probably both the fat kids at their high schools who get things thrown at them and bond over anti-chafing cream
murderofcrows 0
Wow and in submitting my comment I saw posts from other people, obviously I'm not the only one to be pissed off! Way to go you two, I'd hang that on the wall as an achievement for sure! Your lives are full of meaning, huh?
plexico 4
My life is actually pretty good and I do a lot of other things besides FML. The difference between you and me is that I can whip off my comments quickly and it probably took you four hours and two rough drafts to put up your little manifesto. I look at my time on FML like the time others play video games, whether it be on a console or something like World of Warcraft. Instead of going on raids, I try to write snappy, little jokes. Sometimes they succeed and sometimes they fail, but that is the fun of it. My logo is quite distinctive and if you don't want to read what I write, I don't give a rat's ass if you scroll right past it. Otherwise, kiss my ass.
Intoxicunt 6
Basically, what plexico said. I really don't give a flying **** who doesn't like what we say. Guess what. I like talking on here. So, I'm going to. Don't like it? Deal with it. There are people on here who love what we say and literally scroll down looking for us. Also, the staff like both of us very much. I don't know who pissed in your cheerios so much that you had to write an essay on how WE have no lives (um, black pot, meet kettle), but it's not my ******* problem. Your scroll button isn't going to break. I'll continue to spend my free time as I wish.
letoileceleste 0
You know, plexico, I usually find FML threads depressing because of the idiocy and half-baked trolling, but anticipating your comments (and Toxi's, and allmidnighteyes', and redbluegreen's, to name a few :D) has made them actually worth reading. I browse FML on my iPhone, usually, and I actually found masterofcrows's comment irritating because of its length. Had to scroll down through that tripe. =P
skullbuster 0
Oh for the love of god. Plexico and Intoxicunt, why are you even responding to this... @murderofcrows - Yes, their posts are hit or miss and the pervy flirting they engage in can be a bit much (guys, really, they've added that send a private message option...start using it), but at least they aren't writing novellas or preachy high-handed commentary (shout out to pimpin88). These two aren't going away, many people would be disappointed if they did, and the staff "loves them", so either learn how to scroll past their comments, stop looking at this site - or better yet, shove your Blackberry up your ass!
majordunham 0
murderofcrows is actually the kid in this video: http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1915521 he's still bitter and takes it out on others
Andrieux_fml 0
Your on a sportsteam. When you change you're half naked. La de da.
jaimesmiles 0
um yeah you must be um... not the smartest person to allow your coach to do this and think its okay.... still... what a perv that needs to be reported :/