Today, I realized my job working with food is getting to me. While having sex with my boyfriend, I fell asleep. He asked me what I was doing, and apparently I sleep-talked, saying "I'm chopping lettuce". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came home from work to my hot roommate cooking and wearing nothing but an apron. She pulled me into her room and things went great. At least, they did before I woke up in the break room with my coworkers and boss all gathered around, listening to me talking in my sleep. FML
Today, after beating myself up for being useless and not being able to do anything right, I managed to choke almost to the point of blacking out, on a piece of lettuce. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. Soon, I noticed he was being very quiet. When I looked up, he was in a deep sleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while still giving me oral sex. FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend during his lunch break. He started to place his order at a fast food joint, and trying to be funny, I started moaning sexily after each part of his order. I eventually realised I was on speaker when I heard snickering in the background. FML
Today, I was having really great sex with my boyfriend. I was on top and he seemed like he was really enjoying it. Then, I realized he'd fallen asleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend kept falling asleep while he was at my house with me. I tried to have sex with him to help wake him up, but he said he was too tired and fell back asleep. Five minutes later, my friend walks in the room with food. He woke up from the smell and got up to get some for himself. FML
Today, I fell asleep while taking a dump. At work. FML
Today, while at Wendy's with my boyfriend, I realized that he made more pleasure sounds when eating his Baconator than he did while sleeping with me. FML
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Top comments
SassyGoblin1198 9
On the other hand: "today, my girlfriend fell asleep on me during sex. She was having a good dream though. Of me? Oh no. She was dreaming of chopping lettuce. FML" ?
DishnobFruitCum 5
The real FML is that you fell asleep during sex. It would seem you need to straighten some things out with your boyfriend.
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Comments (51)
xoragebaby 17
This actually happened a while ago, and I didn't realize the site edits your posts (because it happened during 69, even more awkward because I fell asleep on top of him). Regardless, I've never been able to live this story down and I'm glad everyone finds this hilarious as well! And yes. That boyfriend sucked in more than just the bedroom, and is now making other chicks fall asleep during intimate times I'm sure haha.
gintwinsmoore 20
you're awesome lmao!!!!
buckdharma 38
Did your dream boss fire you for sampling?
Elsweyr_fml 9
You are great!
JNOV 8
Funny because if you were still dating I'm sure you'd be defending how good he was but because you're not anymore "oh yeah he sucked."
patrickalamo 48
A supporting story on why a higher education is important.
sammyjanette 17
Maybe their career is cooking.
VioletSkies 21
You can get degrees in culinary. Maybe the career they chose is food related like a chef, catering service, etc.
smokecloud_ 37
Yeah, my executive chef makes six figures and started out as a dishwasher ten years ago.
RobinGoodfellow 47
That's incredibly rude and ignorant. Should I assume you don't have a job yourself? Because you clearly don't understand that the economy is shite and that higher education doesn't equal immediate, higher pay at better jobs.
Brandi_Faith 34
30 said it perfectly. Not to mention that op could have that job while she's in college/university and it's paying for her school. So rude.
xoragebaby 17
Your comment is dumb, and you sir are irrelevant. I don't work in the food industry anymore, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.
drumaddict33 12
I would have thought it was cute.
kittykath32 22
I've done the exact same thing after working a 14 hour server shift and told my then boyfriend that "alfredo wasn't gluten free"
PatriotsMan 7
How do you fall asleep during sex? Is he really that bad?
brendejafulable 41
Were you dreaming of chopping lettus?
thes7274473 19
Are you sure he didn't make that up?
wuellmar 18
Ahhhh the joys of being a prepcook... stuff like that happend to me during my prepping days. just hang in there. itll get better.
pedinhuh 23
I believe you and your boyfriend needs to spice up your games...
loganhu 7
I can imagine your boyfriend hiding his "lettuce" from you