Today, my new neighbor asked if I could keep my dog from yapping during the evenings, because it kept him awake last night. I don't have a dog, but I apologized anyway. I didn't have the heart to admit that those are the sounds my girlfriend makes during sex. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I'm at work. FML
Today, right after sex, my girlfriend apologized to the neighbor for the screaming. He thanked her for the entertainment. FML
Today, my dog is much too fond of barking at me loudly and at length for no reason. So is my girlfriend. FML
Today, I got several noise complaints from various neighbours about my "dog that won't stop barking". I don't own a dog, my neighbour owns the noisy dog. She sent me a complaint as well. FML
Today, I came back to my dorm only to hear my neighbor having loud sex. I thought I was just thinking when I said, "At least do it against the other wall," but when I was left later on, he walked by, apologized and said that he thought I wasn't home, and promised to be more quiet next time. FML
Today, after 3 days of interrupted sleep, I confronted my new neighbor about the noise his wife keeps making during their "private time". He then let me know the noise is actually from his daughter, who's mentally disabled and isn't taking the move well. FML
Today, I ran into my new apartment neighbor. She said she could hear me and my girlfriend having wild sex last night. She told me she had always wanted to have a threesome. My new neighbor is as old as my grandma, and even resembles her. I politely declined. FML
Today, I was trying to fall asleep. Unfortunately, my next-door neighbor's baby began to cry. I closed the window and rolled over, unable to hear the crying anymore. My dog's hearing is better than mine, and so he started barking. Goodbye, good night's sleep. FML
Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML
Today, I don't think my neighbours realize that, by getting that dog they have been wanting, they ruined the peace and quiet of the entire neighbourhood, consisting of ten houses. I'm the person underneath whose window that dog barks every day - mostly when I'm either trying to fall asleep or wanting to sleep in. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
JasonUMN 15
You're taking doggy style to a whole different level!
syki 22
May I suggest a muzzle?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (95)
syki 22
May I suggest a muzzle?
ivydindy13 14
I'd go for the shock collar... Kinky.
DanielRamirez 10
You must be doing something right ;)
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
honestly I wouldn't doubt it if the neighbor knew it was a human making the noises. ..that's just the kind way of saying keep it down. I mean if I heard my neighbors sex noises, I'd definitely blame it on their dog so they'd get the hint that I can hear strange noises and they need to make a change. its like the passive aggressive approuch to it.
wGx14 12
I don't think you know what passive aggressive means…
ShiiteDisturber 9
Sounds like your girlfriend isn't the only bitch on your street.
HKCgrimmjow 15
I get where that was going but you still failed horribly
rawr_monster_ 15
Try shutting all windows and doors, see if that helps
then000bster 16
They could live in an apartment complex with thin walls...
smokecloud_ 37
I got a $75 noise complaint when I lived in an apartment complex with ridiculously thin walls. For my sex noises. :x Also had the property manager bang on my door when I WAS genuinely being quiet. Glad to be out of there...
Lilxpie 18
#43 - On YouTube there's a guy who does something called "The thin wall challenge. " it's quite random.
DestroyerEndsU 6
who in the hell ***** with their windows and doors opened
JasonUMN 15
You're taking doggy style to a whole different level!
gracehi 33
Gentlemanly of you, I suppose... Though very unladylike of her.
TheLittleBear 19
What would you prefer? That she was just still and silent like a board?
gracehi 33
No one's a lady in bed, I suppose.
REALAfroninga 11
All the girls I know are still and silent. I really should stop having sex in the cemetery.
gracehi 33
^ Ew.
parism143 28
It seems #70 doesn't comprehend controversial humour. Your comment made my day, #68
REALAfroninga 11
Haha thanks @ #76 :)
gracehi 33
76, I comprehended it. I just didn't appreciate it. *Different.*
REALAfroninga 11
Really the only thing different is they don't complain when I finish early.
gracehi 33
I can see how that would appeal to you.
REALAfroninga 11
Haha, please calm down. I'm not attacking you, I'm just here to give the gift of comedy! I'm sure the entire FML community doesn't share my morbid sense of humor.
mcrepas 19
REALAfroninga: 4 Gracehi: 0
silverstream20 20
Hey #84 um maybe just maybe could you please lighten up a bit and enjoy the humour?
shaww 28
She's an animal in bed.
JocelynKaulitz 28
Woof woof.
annihil8or 15
she's a lady in the street but a freak in the sheets
VampOfSavannah 31
Wow 30, that's original. Did you come up with that on your own?
Clay_Pidgeon 11
#37. Your level of sarcasm is going off the charts right now. Dial it down a little, eh?
smokecloud_ 37
37, the two comments above the one you criticized were both "unoriginal" yet you choose to say something about the third. Tsk. :/
abhi95 31
Doggy style level: Greek goddess
chosha_fml 27
It was the Egyptian gods that gad the dog heads. ;)
mnyhoff 1
Sounds pretty ruff
flashback_fml 14
If you two do it doggy style and put it on tape you'll have the funniest porno in existence
Madridsta1999 7
If I ever watch that porno, I would be really confused. Because I don't know if I'm turned on, or just going to laugh my ass off for the whole time.
perdix 31
You ought to get her to crap on his lawn -- just to keep the dog ruse going.
newburton13 26
*insert bitch joke here*