Today, my upstairs neighbor congratulated me on keeping him up 'til dawn with my girlfriend and the chick in the apartment next to us. He doesn't know how I got them to agree to a threesome. Since I was at my folks all weekend, neither do I. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I ran into my new apartment neighbor. She said she could hear me and my girlfriend having wild sex last night. She told me she had always wanted to have a threesome. My new neighbor is as old as my grandma, and even resembles her. I politely declined. FML
Today, I came home about two hours early from a friend's party. After I walked in and upstairs, I quickly and quietly left and went back to the party. I guess my parents decided to have a little party as well. It's called a threesome with my neighbor. They still don't know that I know. FML
Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I'm at work. FML
Today, while entering the building I live in, I walked into my neighbor who winked at me and said last night must have been great. After I asked why, he said he could hear my girlfriend moaning and screaming, and that I must be pretty good at it. I was just coming back from a week overseas. FML
Today, my girlfriend and her best friend came home after a long night. They both hopped into the bed and were very insistent that I join them. I said I felt weird about it and slept on the couch. The next morning, my pissed off girlfriend said that they wanted a threesome but I killed the mood. Fuck, I'm an idiot. FML
Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML
Today, my friend invited me, his girlfriend, and the girl I like over to his house to hang out. We hoped it would get me closer to my crush. The day ended with them having a threesome and me locked out. FML
Today, my neighbor called me a lucky bastard and said he heard me getting my wife off last night. I was too ashamed to admit the sounds he was referring to were from my 17-year-old daughter after a wasp flew through her bedroom window. FML
Today, I had my parents over at my new apartment. As I was telling them how quiet and peaceful my new place is, we could hear my neighbors talking nasty to each other before launching into a full-blown sex ordeal. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when my upstairs neighbor decided to take the longest piss known to man. He moaned the entire time. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
They agreed because you invited them both over to play "Rock, Paper, Scissors" and threw away the rock and the paper.
boog_fml 7
Either I'm drunk or this FML really sucks because I didn't understand a word of it =
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Comments (37)
Reutan 0
That's terrible... fyl. Hmm...did I actually make it this early?
crabbyabby718 0
1, you just ruined the first comment.
Krilov 0
rofl fyl
tayzer_fml 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
YDI because this is so poorly written.
falling4youxo 7
This is FML, not grammar school.
Ninjasaurus18 9
Yes it is. I'm a grammar Nazi. I didn't get it either until I re-read it slowly four times.
enough4 0
And the guy in the upstairs apartment knows it was the girl in the apartment next door how, exactly?
xslapchopx 0
uhhhh good point.
brandon2014 0
they are in the same apartment complex, doesn't mean you can't know someone from a floor below.
agsilver 14
it's all in the cries man. men go UGHGHHHHH. women go Oh yeah or it feels so good, etc
perdix 31
They agreed because you invited them both over to play "Rock, Paper, Scissors" and threw away the rock and the paper.
gatorcheer 0
Agree with #3.
bugmenotmofo 34
you've been replaced by a plastic penis.
Erindub 0
Damn that sucks. Sorry dude
boog_fml 7
Either I'm drunk or this FML really sucks because I didn't understand a word of it =
lil_ham1644 29
Op was out of town & his gf, the woman next door, & possibly another dude had sex in his (or their) apartment.
CallMeHush 1
Don't just hate when you come home to find out you just missed another threesome? You better talk to her and tell her the next time you want to be the meat in that sandwich. ( LOL threesome is in my phone's predictive text)