Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML
Today, my friends decided it would be funny to give me a "hickey" with a vacuum cleaner while I was passed out drunk. Not only do I have to try and explain this to my girlfriend, but we're meeting her parents for lunch this afternoon. FML
Today, my boyfriend keeps trying to convince me that the hickey on his neck was from his friend attacking him with a vacuum cleaner. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey. On my forehead. FML
Today, I gave myself a hickey on my bicep just to know how it feels. I'm a 28-year-old virgin and yes, that's possible. FML
Today, I got to my human anatomy class with a hickey on my neck. Since I sit in the front row, my professor noticed and decided to call me to the front. He then started talking about ruptured blood vessels and hickeys, all while as I served as the subject. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend for the first time in weeks. She had a hickey. FML
Today, I wrote a fake phone number on my neck to make it look like someone had hit on me. FML
Today, I got back at my boyfriend for sticking the hoover nozzle in my mouth as a prank by doing the exact same thing to him. Unfortunately, it must have burst a blood vessel in his lip because it swelled right up and his entire lower jaw on the right side is just one massive bruise. FML
Today, my mom noticed the hickey that I have on my neck. Embarrassed, I tried convincing her that I burnt myself using a hair straightener. She then told me that that's the same excuse she told my grandma when she got a hickey. FML
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Top comments
milakitty21 0
who were you trying to impress?
srunano 4
Stop playing with your vacuum hose and go to a club or a party....then maybe you can get laid
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Comments (195)
Richard_F 0
agree with 41... that's just sad though
_kayla23_ 0
Wow could you be anymore desperate. Hickeys aren't cute AT all! They are trashy so why don't hop off the computer & go find someone to be with (:
supergamer94 0
Guess what? People don't look at other people and say "Hmmmm, she doesn't have a hickey, she must've not had sex recently". In fact, I'm pretty sure nobody cares about if other people are having sex or not.
sickshoes12 0
ahaha I try not to get them
jdfml90 0
agreed with 171
stlphil 0
Did it ever dawn on you that a vacuum hose sized hickey wouldn't look real?
TelMeBtUrShtyLyf 0
The sad truth is that the only action your getting is with the vacuum cleaner. Hickeys are trashy btw.
MissXxBipolarXx 0
Hickies aren't all that great. I mean, the feeling behind one is nice because it shows some one cares about you, but if you have a hickey, cover it up. They just make you look trashy.
deathrose_fml 0
I don't understand why you would rather get a hickey from a vacuum then a real girl...hmm.
hypercrush 0
loser ...