Today, my mom noticed the hickey that I have on my neck. Embarrassed, I tried convincing her that I burnt myself using a hair straightener. She then told me that that's the same excuse she told my grandma when she got a hickey. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend cried and begged me not to leave her, saying her "hickey" was a burn from a curling iron. That might be believable if it was one on her neck and not in four places on her tits and thighs. FML
Today, I'm meeting my boyfriend's very conservative parents for the first time, so I decided to dress appropriately and curl my hair to match. In doing so, I accidentally touched my neck with the iron, and I now have a burn there that look a lot like a hickey. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML
Today, my mother found a hickey on my neck. Not believing that it was from the hungry 2-month-old child I was holding, she confronted my boyfriend about it. He promptly accused me of cheating. FML
Today, out of boredom, I decided to dye my hair. I clumsily spilled some of the purple dye on my chest and shoulders. My insane mother is convinced the marks are hickeys I got from sneaking out and having sex with a boyfriend I don’t even have. She won’t listen, and I’m grounded for a month. FML
Today, my boss berated me in front of 2 other coworkers about how unprofessional it was for me to show up to work with a clearly visible hickey. I had to explain to him that my "hickey" was actually a huge pimple that had bruised up after I popped it. FML
Today, my mom came over to visit and permed my hair. Ten minutes after she started, I told her it was burning. She told me to suck it up because it doesn't hurt that badly. I now have scabs all over my scalp, hairline, and nape. FML
Today, I told my mom I was with my female friend last night, because I wasn't ready to tell her about my new boyfriend. I didn't realize he gave me a hickey and now my whole family thinks I'm a lesbian. They won't stop making fun of me. FML
Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML
Today, my boyfriend keeps trying to convince me that the hickey on his neck was from his friend attacking him with a vacuum cleaner. FML
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Top comments
DeathByFalchion 0
Not THAT big of a deal if it happened to your mom too.
mhmmhmgood 0
haa, ive used that one too
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Comments (164)
DeathByFalchion 0
Not THAT big of a deal if it happened to your mom too.
TheHeroOfTime 0
So you and your mother are both *****? EIGHTH
allmidnighteyes 11
So because they have gotten hickeys from a boyfriend, they're automatically *****? Your logic is flawless. Irrefutable. Just flawless.
thecanez 0
How come everytime I read a post by a woman having to do something with her boyfriend or a boy in a sexual matter she is always referred to as a ****? Does everyone on here not get laid ever or even talk to women? Have fun doing some chick that just lays there in bed like a wet rag some of us guys actually like a girl to know what shes doing. If you think shes dirty wear a condom kids. (should be wearing a condom anyways dont need any kids!)
Emma_91 0
#8 is the type of person we like to call an evolutionary fail. :)
Moemoemoe_fml 0
#15, I think the matter is precisely that there's a bunch of really young brats on FML who know nothing of the world and wish they could get laid.... but aren't going to any time soon, of course, so whenever they read anything in here, they immediatly go all "****!! ****!!" about any female that's doing anything (sexual or not) with anyone, since they're all frustrated behind their screens not getting any. XD By the time they grow up, hopefully they'll have evolved enough to reach the stage you're talking about, but I think that for now they can't yet comprehend it. XD
polkadot1196 0
Woopdedooo!
JustSoLost 8
I agree w, # 1. YDI.
Andr3w421 0
**** yeah hickeys are gross who wants someone to suck on their neck???? hickeys are for white trash
oooooo_fml 0
urm...you're a tit. how does that make her a ****? it doesnt.... so shut the **** up.
Tobe_fml 0
Fake, this video has it word for word: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUUWEJgO7dE
tezzabro 0
#92 wtf? it doesnt have to be ur neck, it can b anywhere on ur body.
turner2404 0
i think they ******* know that idiot but the OP did say they had a hickey on their neck so #92 was just saying, specifically, neck
TapeMan_3000 0
@15: why would you even have sex with someone if you thought they were "dirty" in the first place? don't you feel wrong doing that cause really if you can look at someone and think "this persons probably got an STD from someone else" then aren't a couple red flags going off? both for your own health and your morals?
badluckalex 23
guys, it doesn't say that they were from boyfriends... we don't know forsure
mhmmhmgood 0
haa, ive used that one too
breakingbenjamin_fml 0
me tooooo rofl
AshleyLoB 0
haha same!
riku3220 2
YDI for lying
thishurts 0
yeah , not gonna work . fyl .
smaginn 0
Not an FML -.- your mom probably understands.
Tedet 0
Should have told her you got strangled.
nando92 0
lmao yes, thats what any normal person would say
Kristin_x 0
Be glad your mom didn't freak out and yell at you.
the_stereotype 0
i agree. she just caught you. big deal.
BUTTPLUG 0
Hahaha she shouldn't care that much unless you're like 10 I've used that line quite casually and make it quite believable:)
redbluegreen 41
Just wait till you get pregnant. I hope you don't try the swimming pool excuse, for your own sake.
Dee100 0
LMAO!
allmidnighteyes 11
omg how did I miss this? Guts ♥
ireply_w_lyrics 0
"...He said I've been watching you [mom], ain't that cool I'm your buckaroo, I wanna be like you And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are We got [cowgirl] boots and [skinny] pants Yeah we're just alike, hey ain't we [mom] I wanna do everything you do So I've been watching you..." I had to [edit] it a bit :)
sublime93 0
Fail
Whirling_Kumquat 0
I'm sorry lyrics...but you fail at life. Or at least at replying with lyrics.
ireply_w_lyrics 0
That, my friend, is where you are wrong.
dpprincess97 0
you win at life for knowing this song. that is all.