Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML
Today, my friends decided it would be funny to give me a "hickey" with a vacuum cleaner while I was passed out drunk. Not only do I have to try and explain this to my girlfriend, but we're meeting her parents for lunch this afternoon. FML
Today, my boyfriend keeps trying to convince me that the hickey on his neck was from his friend attacking him with a vacuum cleaner. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey. On my forehead. FML
Today, I gave myself a hickey on my bicep just to know how it feels. I'm a 28-year-old virgin and yes, that's possible. FML
Today, I got to my human anatomy class with a hickey on my neck. Since I sit in the front row, my professor noticed and decided to call me to the front. He then started talking about ruptured blood vessels and hickeys, all while as I served as the subject. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend for the first time in weeks. She had a hickey. FML
Today, I wrote a fake phone number on my neck to make it look like someone had hit on me. FML
Today, I got back at my boyfriend for sticking the hoover nozzle in my mouth as a prank by doing the exact same thing to him. Unfortunately, it must have burst a blood vessel in his lip because it swelled right up and his entire lower jaw on the right side is just one massive bruise. FML
Today, my mom noticed the hickey that I have on my neck. Embarrassed, I tried convincing her that I burnt myself using a hair straightener. She then told me that that's the same excuse she told my grandma when she got a hickey. FML
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Top comments
milakitty21 0
who were you trying to impress?
srunano 4
Stop playing with your vacuum hose and go to a club or a party....then maybe you can get laid
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Comments (195)
xX_ericaaa 0
lol loooooser (;
S0_Fricken_CUtE 0
I feel ya bro. Those who are sayin to just go out there you.. you just dont understand that some of us have been heart broken by girls and just cant go out and get action anymore. Be a little more sensitive
JustJess666 0
then don't stoop this low to try and look like a douche bag with a hickey. they don't make you cool!
xXxbiancaxXx 0
ha me and my friend laughed fir three minutes straight when we read this and .... fail... nuff said
trey777 0
HAHA you need to get a BF/GF or whatever ur into just you need to get out XD
Kylieerawrous 1
I am not sure if this is true but my mom works in an OBGYN office so I am pretty sure it is. But she said that Hickeys causes CANCER because they damage blood vessels... Also like what everyone else says is that it is pretty stupid that you are trying to 'get some action.' And I'm a fifteen year old girl whose never dated AND I would NEVER sink that low.. if you know what I mean... its just stupid. I'm not calling you a loser or stupid its just please don't try it again..
jdfml90 0
Shut up. Put up. Give up. OR Go out.
JustJess666 0
first of all I feel sorry for the poor innocent molested vacuum. it's probably shivering in a corner some where crying itself to sleep. and why the **** are you that desperate to do that?? **** there are plenty of whorey loose women who are drunk and desperate enough to do that for you.... get out more you ****** deserve it for being pathetic!
Peytonlikesme 0
Baby I'll giv ya some action!! Jk!! Unlike u i hav a bf who gives me a LOT of action!! HAHAHA!! U suck
JustJess666 0
omg I love your pic... jack Nicholson all the way dude!! sorry that has nothing to do with mr. desperate virgins story lol
upintheorange 5
gives a new meaning to the term "funbags."