Today, I purchased an app to track my period. When my mother asked me why I got it, I told her I was going to use it so I knew when to not go on a date because I don't want to be uncomfortable during a long movie. She slapped me in the face and called me a dirty prostitute and a liar. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend asked me to start using a period tracker app so I can tell him which week of each month he needs to "stay the hell away" from me. FML
Today, my boyfriend flipped out when he saw a period tracker app on my phone. According to him, chicks only use those when they want to know when they’re the most fertile so they can “baby trap” a man. I have irregular cycles. The app helps me know when I should or shouldn’t expect a period. FML
Today, I was showing the guy I like something on my phone. My period tracking app decided it was the perfect time to tell me that I need to stock up on tampons, because I'm getting my period tomorrow. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend uses a period tracker app to find out when we can fuck. FML
Today, my boyfriend is threatening to dump me if I don’t give him all the details of my menstruation so he can track my periods with an app on his phone. FML
Today, the moment after hitting "confirm payment" for my boyfriend's valentine gift (along with some sexy lingerie for the occasion) on a shopping app, my period tracker app popped up to let me know I'll be well into my period on the 14th. I'm getting cockblocked by mother nature herself. FML
Today, I told my mom I was going on a date tonight. She laughed and didn't believe me. When I tried to convince her it was real, she got mad and grounded me for lying. I had to cancel the date. FML
Today, I called my mom to tell her that I finally got my period. There was an awkward pause. She was at work. I was on speakerphone. FML
Today, my mother asked me if my boyfriend and I were getting serious. I quickly lied and said no. She then informed me that if things ever heated up, she would take me to get birth control. Wanting birth control, I confessed. In turn she grounded me. I'm not allowed to see my boyfriend anymore. FML
Today, I discovered a tracking app enabled on my phone so I switched it off to save battery space. Within 20 minutes my mother rang and demanded to know where I was, what I was doing, if I was with some woman… you get the picture. I'm 32 and own my own apartment. FML
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Top comments
YacL 15
What the hell? What have you done recently to put her under the impression that you're a prostitute? Other than this, because this doesn't seem like a good enough excuse.
OHnathanIO 4
If you have kids and they turned out like little ***** that's your own damn fault.
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Comments (137)
FinnGirl12 2
I don't understand why your mother even needs to know that you downloaded that app onto your ipod/phone/insert electronic device here. So long as you are the one paying for it (and you really should be), she shouldn't really care. There are also tons of free versions of those, so you shouldn't have paid for it anyway. I had an app like that for a while, and it wasn't something I felt that I *had* to run and tell my mother about. "Hey Mom! I got this app where I can track the days on which I bleed from my ******" Yeah. Weird.
AshAtrocity 0
You should have given a different/better reason for getting that app. then you probably wouldn't have gotten slapped.
hethorr 0
I should slap her in the face, what's the app called??
lacoyomg 0
Probably because you are
santanaaa 0
is the app called period plus? cuz thats a good tracker for periods and i have it. imnup to the age where imnhaving my period hahaha and anyway, wtf! ur mums sooo meeeaaan
NinaMariel 0
Nice excuse, op. Real smooth.
shortybrockx 0
That's when you tell her you wanted to make her proud so you decided to follow in her foot steps and that's why you became a prostitute, (like mother like daughter!)
pappuyaer 0
i agree with yo mama, you are a liar prostitute.
Ikdiy2009 0
wow. your mom should know you are supposed to keep track of your periods! for convenience, but also for medical reasons if your doctor were to ask if you're having irregular periods, it's nice to know your own body.
mylifepwnz 0
nice mom