Today, I purchased an app to track my period. When my mother asked me why I got it, I told her I was going to use it so I knew when to not go on a date because I don't want to be uncomfortable during a long movie. She slapped me in the face and called me a dirty prostitute and a liar. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend asked me to start using a period tracker app so I can tell him which week of each month he needs to "stay the hell away" from me. FML
Today, my boyfriend flipped out when he saw a period tracker app on my phone. According to him, chicks only use those when they want to know when they’re the most fertile so they can “baby trap” a man. I have irregular cycles. The app helps me know when I should or shouldn’t expect a period. FML
Today, I was showing the guy I like something on my phone. My period tracking app decided it was the perfect time to tell me that I need to stock up on tampons, because I'm getting my period tomorrow. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend uses a period tracker app to find out when we can fuck. FML
Today, my boyfriend is threatening to dump me if I don’t give him all the details of my menstruation so he can track my periods with an app on his phone. FML
Today, the moment after hitting "confirm payment" for my boyfriend's valentine gift (along with some sexy lingerie for the occasion) on a shopping app, my period tracker app popped up to let me know I'll be well into my period on the 14th. I'm getting cockblocked by mother nature herself. FML
Today, I told my mom I was going on a date tonight. She laughed and didn't believe me. When I tried to convince her it was real, she got mad and grounded me for lying. I had to cancel the date. FML
Today, I called my mom to tell her that I finally got my period. There was an awkward pause. She was at work. I was on speakerphone. FML
Today, my mother asked me if my boyfriend and I were getting serious. I quickly lied and said no. She then informed me that if things ever heated up, she would take me to get birth control. Wanting birth control, I confessed. In turn she grounded me. I'm not allowed to see my boyfriend anymore. FML
Today, I discovered a tracking app enabled on my phone so I switched it off to save battery space. Within 20 minutes my mother rang and demanded to know where I was, what I was doing, if I was with some woman… you get the picture. I'm 32 and own my own apartment. FML
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Top comments
YacL 15
What the hell? What have you done recently to put her under the impression that you're a prostitute? Other than this, because this doesn't seem like a good enough excuse.
OHnathanIO 4
If you have kids and they turned out like little ***** that's your own damn fault.
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Comments (137)
colton821 4
Ummm, so you have to have an app to tell you when your going to start your period? You can't tell from the precramps/hightened moods, or is your cycle just completely irregulated, or last of all your just a complete imbecile who can't keep track of dates? Sorry if i seem like an ass, just seems redundant.
ashleigh_anarchy 7
Your mum sounds horrible. The excuse was pretty stupid, but even if you are having sex it doesn't mean you're a 'dirty prostitute' as long as you don't sleep around. Sex isn't a bad thing as long as you're careful and plan to deal with the consequences if things go wrong. Anyway, she probably wouldn't have reacted that way if you had come up with a slightly better response.
Jazzalyn 10
Woah...sucks for you, OP. Maybe a different excuse would have been better though... Also, just 'cause OP doesn't want to have her period while she's at a movie, doesn't mean she has cramps, or even that it's heavy. I used to be on the Pill so I could control when I had mine 'cause I didn't want it if I was going away or on a long car ride or during an exam or something - basically anytime that it'd be inconvenient.
JFle123 0
Theres an app for that!
theonlysweetpea 10
Ask her which one of you has kids! Then call her a *****! I'm just joking. Tell her that stuff's not cool
Mistery510 6
hahaha mother knows best!!!
deefan101 11
what the hell! slap her back!
jadejazmyn 5
Is your mom like super religious lol.
Cruisenick123 0
Score one for mother.
bh173 0
lol **** your **** of a mom dude.