Today, I had to remove a splinter from one of my roommates. This would have been better if the splinter wasn't deeply lodged in their asscheek. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. From his butt. FML
Today, I got a splinter in my shop class. The teacher dug at it with tweezers for a while, then told me that my best bet would be to wait until the wound got infected and formed a bunch of pus around the splinter to force it out. It's in my dominant hand's palm. FML
Today, I now know how it feels to have a splinter of wood hammered a full inch underneath your fingernail. FML
Today, I was walking in my apartment when I felt something stab my foot. Thinking it was a piece of glass, I looked down. It was one of my roommate's toenail clippings. FML
Today, I witnessed my roommate pop a blister with a skewer and casually place it back in the kitchen drawer, before wiping what seeped out with the teatowel. FML
Today, I noticed one of my toenails was getting super long, so I cut it. In doing so, I accidentally ripped it off and it started bleeding. As I went to get something to stop it from bleeding, I got a huge splinter in my little toe, causing a painful infection. I think I should just go back to bed. FML
Today, I reached to pick out a booger stuck in my nose that had been irritating me, and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, I finally get to go surfing! On my way out, I got a splinter that’s still way too deep to remove, causing me to cancel the surf day and now it really hurts to walk. FML
Today, I had to blow my nose. Trying to be a considerate roommate, I tiptoed over to the bathroom in the dark, which would have been fine, if I hadn't tripped over a chair and crushed the art project that she's been working on for the past month. FML
Today, I was putting a wooden shelf into my new TV stand. Right before I put it in, I rested it on my leg. I then realized that the wood was of poor quality, and it gave me splinters. Now, I can't remove the splinters, because I can't find their exact location under my really hairy legs. FML
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Top comments
Cynical_1 26
How the hell did they get a splinter in their ass and how did you get unlucky enough to be volunteered to remove it?
Moerighan 23
Today I had a splinter in m ass, my roommate was the one to remove it for me. fml
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Comments (16)
Cynical_1 26
How the hell did they get a splinter in their ass and how did you get unlucky enough to be volunteered to remove it?
tantanpanda 26
This is why you don't use ****** made of wood, people!
Moerighan 23
Today I had a splinter in m ass, my roommate was the one to remove it for me. fml
Moerighan 23
wow, why can't we edit anymore? *my
RichardPencil 32
That's a pretty cheeky request!
Luckyunluckiest 0
Actually that happened to my older sister, wooden park bench- she was wearing a summer dress. If I think about it... Also, my younger sister fell on a cactus once actually twice once as a child once as a drunk young adult. And now that I'm really examining life whilst tobogganing, I decided to make new tracks in the snow- I hit a rock and a cactus thankfully no needles made it into my butt cheeks but a couple did make it into my thighs.
Exaspera 55
You could have just said no!
DEADPOOL076 30
Good for you , helping your roommate in their time of need, ass-isting them with this delicate situation.
DEADPOOL076 30
Good for you , helping your roommate in their time of need, ass-isting them with this delicate situation.
jediemma 9
I had to do that for someone once. No joke.
PenguinBitch 44
Hope she didn't sneeze.
Cali 57
I like you.