Today, I had to remove a splinter from one of my roommates. This would have been better if the splinter wasn't deeply lodged in their asscheek. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. From his butt. FML
Today, I got a splinter in my shop class. The teacher dug at it with tweezers for a while, then told me that my best bet would be to wait until the wound got infected and formed a bunch of pus around the splinter to force it out. It's in my dominant hand's palm. FML
Today, I now know how it feels to have a splinter of wood hammered a full inch underneath your fingernail. FML
Today, I was walking in my apartment when I felt something stab my foot. Thinking it was a piece of glass, I looked down. It was one of my roommate's toenail clippings. FML
Today, I witnessed my roommate pop a blister with a skewer and casually place it back in the kitchen drawer, before wiping what seeped out with the teatowel. FML
Today, I noticed one of my toenails was getting super long, so I cut it. In doing so, I accidentally ripped it off and it started bleeding. As I went to get something to stop it from bleeding, I got a huge splinter in my little toe, causing a painful infection. I think I should just go back to bed. FML
Today, I reached to pick out a booger stuck in my nose that had been irritating me, and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, I finally get to go surfing! On my way out, I got a splinter that’s still way too deep to remove, causing me to cancel the surf day and now it really hurts to walk. FML
Today, I had to blow my nose. Trying to be a considerate roommate, I tiptoed over to the bathroom in the dark, which would have been fine, if I hadn't tripped over a chair and crushed the art project that she's been working on for the past month. FML
Today, I was putting a wooden shelf into my new TV stand. Right before I put it in, I rested it on my leg. I then realized that the wood was of poor quality, and it gave me splinters. Now, I can't remove the splinters, because I can't find their exact location under my really hairy legs. FML
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Top comments
Cynical_1 26
How the hell did they get a splinter in their ass and how did you get unlucky enough to be volunteered to remove it?
Moerighan 23
Today I had a splinter in m ass, my roommate was the one to remove it for me. fml
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Comments (16)
Cynical_1 26
How the hell did they get a splinter in their ass and how did you get unlucky enough to be volunteered to remove it?
tantanpanda 26
This is why you don't use ****** made of wood, people!
Moerighan 23
Today I had a splinter in m ass, my roommate was the one to remove it for me. fml
Moerighan 23
wow, why can't we edit anymore? *my
RichardPencil 32
That's a pretty cheeky request!
Luckyunluckiest 0
Actually that happened to my older sister, wooden park bench- she was wearing a summer dress. If I think about it... Also, my younger sister fell on a cactus once actually twice once as a child once as a drunk young adult. And now that I'm really examining life whilst tobogganing, I decided to make new tracks in the snow- I hit a rock and a cactus thankfully no needles made it into my butt cheeks but a couple did make it into my thighs.
Exaspera 55
You could have just said no!
DEADPOOL076 30
Good for you , helping your roommate in their time of need, ass-isting them with this delicate situation.
DEADPOOL076 30
Good for you , helping your roommate in their time of need, ass-isting them with this delicate situation.
jediemma 9
I had to do that for someone once. No joke.
PenguinBitch 44
Hope she didn't sneeze.
Cali 57
I like you.