Today, I found out I was an alcoholic. Not from my friends or family, but because the ice-maker couldn't keep up with the amount of drinks I've been making. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I noticed I have more alcohol in my fridge than I do actual food. FML
Today, I found out that the neighbor I'd given a bottle of wine to for Christmas is a recovering alcoholic. FML
Today, I noticed that I'm way more productive when I'm drinking than when I'm not. I think I just figured out why I'm related to so many alcoholics. FML
Today, after cleaning my house because I'd thrown a party all weekend while my parents were gone, I still got caught because somebody tried to make beer popsicles with Q-Tips in the ice trays in my freezer. FML
Today, my parents were having a Christmas party. They went out to get the vodka in our garage fridge, only to find most of it was frozen. Knowing vodka doesn't freeze, they soon realized that I had been taking some and refilling it with water over the past two months. FML
Today, I found out that my sister's kids refer to me as their 'Drunkle'. I guess I have to admit to myself that I'm an alcoholic. FML
Today, my parents finally realized that I've been sneaking vodka when they weren't home. Note to self: don't let them freeze vodka that's actually 75% water. FML
Today, I learned that drunk me from last night is apparently great at flirting. She also apparently flirted her way to a free bottle of white wine, only to shatter it on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. How did I find out? Three words: glass in foot. FML
Today, I had to admit that I'm an alcoholic when I spent my last dollar bills on Southern Comfort instead of tampons. FML
Today, my best friend had the balls to call me an alcoholic. She snuck vodka on a cruise ship in a Listerine bottle. I've never had a drink. FML
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Top comments
tygerarmy 35
Well clearly it's time to stop.. watering down your drinks with so much ice.
Ashamed_Sister 60
You simply might be an ice lover, not an alcoholic.
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Comments (64)
tygerarmy 35
Well clearly it's time to stop.. watering down your drinks with so much ice.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Sounds like somebody needs to start making some homemade Jack Dagnals ice cubes.
fml0505 22
Haha.. that sir, was brilliant.
DustyStorm 16
Kinda hard to make Jack Daniels ice cubes but if you figure out how please let me know! Considering liquor doesn't freeze I just don't know how that's possible.... ?
BradyT918 9
Liquor will freeze. Just have to use more water than alcohol
Ashamed_Sister 60
You simply might be an ice lover, not an alcoholic.
Ashamed_Sister 60
"Welcome to our weekly IA meetings."
perdix 31
#14, Meetings? No, thanks, I have to deal with too many iceholes in my everyday life!
mbuck87 19
Haha is ice another name for meth where you are?
mbuck87 19
Ok what I meant was 'is ice also the street name for meth where you are? Cos it is here, so these comments are funnier to me'
karlcolt45 19
all of your kitchen appliances sit you down in the kitchen. “phil you have a problem. you're killing the ice machine, we're not saying quit. but maybe use less ice"
meso222 8
Thats a hole nother set of problems if your appliances are talking to you
kkamp516 10
*whole
strawberrywine22 30
It's not so much that you're an alcoholic, more that you use too much ice. The less ice you use, the better off your icemaker is AND the more alcohol you can fit in your glass!
lysx84 24
Just drink red wine, no ice required, no chilling time, straight from the shop to down your throat. Sorted.
strawberrywine22 30
I'm not a fan of wine, but I do have both Hornitos and Milagro in my freezer. No ice required for my drinks that way :)
NoFlippinWai 24
Chill the glass. I have those freezable cooling glasses. Buy more than one and rotate them. When one gets warm, get another.
Enslaved 38
Call me crazy but I prefer my red wine slightly chilled. (:
perdix 31
#39, You're crazy and you're welcome!
CrissyyyS2 22
Just shove the whole bottle into the freezer or a tub of ice till its chilled. As long as you're not an abusive alcoholic... Cheers!
cukiemunstaaaar 10
Hey at least you realised it yourself! It'll be easier to take control now.
GigaPudding_fml 24
Yes but unfortunately it sounds like OP is already in denial "Today I found out I -was- an alcoholic"...
perdix 31
Uh-oh, looks like you need to join a 12-step program. Step 1. Admit you have a problem. Step 2. Buy an industrial icemaker, like a Manitowoc, and continue to get wasted. Step 3. There is no step 3, nor steps 4 through 12. Cheers!
RedPillSucks 33
Step 13 ???? Step 14 Profit!!!
jjmiller1001 17
wow, you need a bigger ice maker
perdix 31
You should switch to hot toddies and hope your stove is less shitty than your ice-maker.
TheCutestLizard 28
I had to Google that...I'm so ashamed.
perdix 31
#25, it's OK if you had to Google "hot toddy," but if you had to Google "stove," "shitty," or "you," I'd keep that to myself ;)