j
United States
Today, my wife told me alcohol gives me "increased confidence without increased ability." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Bruce
Pour some more funny!
Today, my alcoholic friend, who is now sober, told me I was a lot more fun when he was drinking. FML
Fartini
Today, I discovered that alcohol makes me red-faced, extremely gassy and eager to discuss my virginity with everyone. FML
bystander
United States
Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML
oh no
What Mötley Crüe call "Breakfast"
Today, I think all those jokes my wife made about becoming an alcoholic during quarantine may be true. She came back from the weekly shopping today with 7 bottles of wine, a bottle of tequila and a 30-pack of beer. FML
dantko
Dearborn, United States
Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML
Anonymous
How very dare you?
Today, my drunken mother told me I'm just like my father and that I don't give a fuck about her. She's living in my home and drinking my wine. FML
alcoholic
Estonia
Irony failure
Today, I was telling my teenage daughter about the effects from alcohol, and how she should not give in to peer pressure. While talking, I noticed that she was looking at me funny. There was a wine glass in my hand. FML
the-yao
United States
Today, someone told me they liked my personality when I'm drunk. I asked, "What about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML
drunkluv
Australia
Today, my girlfriend openly admitted to me that she wouldn't have gone out with me if she hadn't been drunk. FML
Anonymous
Receipe ideas
Today, after I was surprised by my husband announcing he was coming off the drink and going to the gym to get in shape, I found out that I've been such a fool, as it turns out the pre-workout shakes he kept making contained about 5 shots of vodka, so he could drink at home without me moaning. FML
Top comments
Zelphoric 25
Pretty much identical to something Shakespeare said. "it provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance" (referring to alcohol in Macbeth)
coming back in the future 30
Actually, it has increased my chances of having sex that night as it lowers my self control and standards.
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Comments (36)
SOILEDIT 51
It also gives you increased chances of cirrhosis.
Nyattack 14
Why the downvotes ? That's actually true...
jlang917 14
Maybe that's a hint that you drink too much OP!!
Tarlachia 33
Ask her if you should still be saying no to drugs designed to increase ability and subsequently, your confidence as well?
abhig 14
Make love to her
themermaid_a 14
Wtf
laden_swallow09 35
Put the pipe down, 4.
sparkledoge 29
That's an accurate description of alcohol. No matter what you try to do and how drunk you are.
chosha_fml 27
It can increase social ability for some, but only if they stop before they are drunk. At that point it's all downhill.
coming back in the future 30
Actually, it has increased my chances of having sex that night as it lowers my self control and standards.
lantz4levi 19
Hahahah I laughed to much at this
Goblin182 27
That's why men buy women drinks in bars.
IndefiniteBeauty 17
Doesn't mean you'll be any good in bed
laden_swallow09 35
Two words: whiskey dick.
coming back in the future 30
Actually, it has increased my chances of having sex that night as it lowers my self control and standards.
Zelphoric 25
Pretty much identical to something Shakespeare said. "it provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance" (referring to alcohol in Macbeth)
nodeathtoall 19
Thought of the same line, Shakespeare ftw
feminengineer 7
You and everyone else who imbibes.
CaptMacLeod 45
I believe they call it "Whiskey Dick" for a reason...