Today, it's my last day before I get my colonoscopy. I've been on a strict chicken broth and jello diet in preparation. My dad thought it would be hilarious to drag me out to one of the best restaurants in town just so I could watch everyone else eat their delicious meals. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after fasting for 24 hours and drinking 2 buckets of laxatives, my doctor's office notified me that my colonoscopy had been cancelled. I'd just finished the prep by taking the fart pills, and now have the cleanest colon ever. A lot of time spent on the toilet that I’ll never get back though. FML
Today, I found out that since no other procedures are working, I was required to stop eating, and drink a bunch of foul tasting "goo", which will in turn give me constant diarrhea. This will then prepare me nicely for the long tube with a camera on the end of which will be shoved up my rectum. FML
Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Afterwards, my parents thought it would be a great idea to have my favourite meal. I got to watch them enjoy it. FML
Today, I came down with diarrhea thanks to a particularly low-class restaurant. My dad has been making constant stupid puns like "pretty shitty state you're in" and "this day and age, you just don't expect this crap". I'm at the point where I want to gouge his eyes out with a goddamn spoon. FML
Today, I went to the doctor, expecting him to tell me my cancer was gone. Instead, he told me I will need a colostomy, which means all my favorite food will be replaced with yogurt and parsley. No tabbouleh, as onions would make the colostomy bag stink. FML
Today, because of my life situation, I was told I'll have to have a colonoscopy without anesthesia. FML
Today, I found out I'm going to be celebrating New Year's with a gastroscopy and colonoscopy. It's been two days since I discovered I'm gluten intolerant to go with my lactose intolerance. It's also my 28th birthday tomorrow. FML
Today, after following the directions and drinking a gallon of what can only be described as an industrial strength laxative for a scheduled colonoscopy. I shit my brains out for nearly 12 hours. The hospital then called and canceled my procedure an hour before my arrival time. FML
Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML
Today, I finally won an ongoing battle with my family to go to a restaurant I like, rather than a restaurant I hate with a passion. Now I'm throwing up, and my back is killing me. I'm the only one who got food poisoning. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
lionheart822 13
Just order everything on the menu. They can't force you to eat it and its sweet revenge.
ghostanimal 8
Wow. My dad's done that to me before. You can always go after your colonoscopy. :)
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (68)
ghostanimal 8
Wow. My dad's done that to me before. You can always go after your colonoscopy. :)
michaelaranda 28
If its the best restaurant in town, its probably pretty expensive...
OneGirlTwoCups 13
Filipino dads can be pretty crazy- (assuming OPs dad is Filipino) I know from experience since I have Filipino parents and they probably wouldn't even let OP order anything because of the colonoscopy. Crap meant that as a reply for #2 sorry
\ 28
Asshole dad strikes again.
lionheart822 13
Just order everything on the menu. They can't force you to eat it and its sweet revenge.
SarMarJo 17
I second this. I was in my 24 hour "no solids" gap before surgery (on my birthday) and my family took me out to eat just to "be funny". So, I ordered the most expensive things I could find that I knew my family wouldn't eat ;)
Nevermind212 11
And strive for the greater good
niallo 23
Order what you want and bag it. Have it the next day after your colonoscopy. Thanks Dad.
jmcr 27
Order the most expensive things on the menu then if hes paying
Snowkeys 11
I think you missed most of the fml. He can only eat jello and chicken broth.
Ziggyboo 10
27, he means as revenge for what dad did. He won't eat it, but his dad will still have to buy it.
Snowkeys 11
The dad would obviously catch on when op started ordering high priced dishes and wouldn't let it happen. That's why I misinterpreted the comment.
Pauschinator 22
He just wanted to have a family dinner before your colonoscopy.
\ 28
Because it was THAT hard for him to be considerate and have a more modest dinner.
Lucky7112 4
Why would he bring the guy who can't eat anything in the place
kpc2424 13
Time to slip your dad some milk of magnesia
slooby_fml 25
Get something to go and eat it when you can
Jjimen1654 9
So order take out and eat it tomorrow after the proccedure. Problem solved.
brainymes 30
Order and eat as much as you can, and do your colonoscopy later. That'll show him.
girlrome 19
It's just a matter of one or two days more, right? Sorry OP, but suck it up.
olpally 33
What a dick. Order the most expensive things on the menu now. Oops, other people beat me to saying this^ FML. Shit. Just walk out of the restaurant.