Today, after months of tests for mystery nerve pain, I went to get more blood taken only to leave the clinic with an empty tin to collect my bowel movements for the next 72 hours. Which needs to be refrigerated. I live with four other people, with one fridge. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at the ripe age of 20, I spent the early hours of my morning violently vomiting blood every time I got too warm. I then had the pleasure of shitting in a plastic container for a stool sample, due to said problem, after one and half hours of sleep. FML
Today, I was admitted to the hospital for chronic constipation. I have to share a room with two other girls who are also having bowel problems. We're all on strong laxatives, and there's apparently only one bathroom in this place. FML
Today, my finally figuring out what the hell is wrong with my body has coincided with the local clinic closing for the weekend. I can't get referrals until they open again. Only three long, boring, miserable days and three long, agonizing, sleepless nights to go. And probably more even after. FML
Today, I opened my fridge. It's entire contents: half a takeaway meal and 4 bottles of wine. FML
Today, someone at work took my delicate medication out of the fridge to make room for their lunch. Now my medication has expired. FML
Today, I went to the hospital due to vomiting and abdominal pain, and they decided to fit me with an IV drip. It took several tries by two different people to get the cannula in. I feel like a human pin-cushion. FML
Today, I went to the hospital for severe abdominal pain and nausea. I sat in the waiting room for six hours, just to be told, “We don’t know what’s wrong with you. Try taking Gravol and Tylenol and maybe lay off the fatty foods.” I feel like shit. FML
Today, I was supposed to be enjoying a long-anticipated, desperately needed, weekend away. Turns out those "little stomach twinges" were actually symptoms of appendicitis. I'm stuck in the hospital, alone, recovering from surgery, while my family is enjoying our non-refundable break. FML
Today, my mother-in-law came over. Probably thinking that the needles in our fridge were steroids, and wanting to do the right thing, she took them to throw them away. I'm diabetic, and they were my insulin. I went into shock after she left and had to go to the hospital. FML
Today, I spent several hours sitting in the ER hyperventilating from pain and passing out, due to a herniated disc in my back. I had to watch at least 5 people go ahead of me, whose only complaints was that their stomach hurt or they felt nauseous. One of these people had a bag of snacks with them. FML
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Top comments
lambda_fml 40
Yet you managed to write four.
rivaraven 35
#61, for the next 72 hours. I think the problem is not OP, but you and your ability to read.
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Comments (142)
sabrinaacrow 26
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Do it near the end of the 72 hours so it doesn't have to stay in the fridge
SlapAndTickle 20
OP has to collect ALL bowel movements for 72 hours. Good luck OP I hope it's nothing too serious.
sabrinaacrow 26
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
OP didn't express that clearly enough
rivaraven 35
#61, for the next 72 hours. I think the problem is not OP, but you and your ability to read.
CharresBarkrey 16
"To collect my bowel movements for the next 72 hours." It literally cannot be expressed more clearly.
TimeDisposalEngi 14
Or keep it in a cooler with ice. Or put it in an ice-cream container, duct tape it shut, write your name all over it, and loudly and greedily proclaim it yours. If they open it after that, jokes on them :P
TimeDisposalEngi 14
^^ this person's hilarious
Slasher15987 8
Nice job high fiving yourself
seansbro56 10
Double arrows is 2 things up not just one
Bcfrmkc816 17
Inability to read I do believe.
kittycat2007 18
i have no words....
lambda_fml 40
Yet you managed to write four.
Daschundman 17
I can just imagine one of the roommates saying, "Why does my food smell like shit..."
skyttlz 32
#2 then don't comment.
Wizardo 34
Explain the situation and I'm sure your roommates will contain the situation otherwise someone is gonna mistake a log for a tootsie roll or another like confectionery.
peachesncreem 21
I'm sure the smell will give them a clue that it's not a sweet treat to be consumed.
supertacowaffle 41
Label the tin or your poor housemates will get a nasty snack.
mootoo31 6
Dead dove; do not eat
msmal3 6
It has a pathology Label on the lid
CharresBarkrey 16
The containers are see-through. I doubt the roommates will even want to look at it.
tswizz 13
I didn't realise it was possible for tin to be transparent
darwinism 30
If your flatmates have ever done anything wrong to you this is your chance at getting them back. Simply write "chocolate pudding" on the container an let the hunger games begin. Or just hold it and do a really big dump in 3 days. You life is ****** either way.
Sakura13_fml 11
Who writes chocolate pudding on something you don't want others to investigate?
VeganVampyre 27
Someone needs to learn to read first, process, THEN write reply.
Sakura13_fml 11
Just tired. It happens, to me at least. My bad.
maximus_prime 24
I hope none of them get the munchies in the next few days :-/
malheartsnutmeg 20
Is there a particular reason why you need a tin full of it instead of a regular sized sample?
AurumPotestasEst 16
Because it's for three days...
CharresBarkrey 16
Timed tests and random tests are very different. A timed test such as what OP had been instructed to do will give them a much more specific answer for what they're looking for. They might not find that in a random sample.
annamei 16
Just hope no one mistakes it for chocolate :o
Mossears133 15
I really don't want to know what kind of chocolate you've been eating!
SaturnV 25
Perhaps now would be a good time to invest in a personal mini-fridge.
perdix 31
#11, it's not really an investment, it's an expense. An investment is money laid out in the hopes of recovering more money in the future. Now, if you had a plan to extort the mini-fridge money out of your roommates ("The doctor ordered me to store my shit in our refrigerator, and I'm too broke to buy my own.") and then sell it on Craigslist when you are done with it, that would be an "investment-grade strategy."
imagineapc 11
Craigslist search -> mini fridge.