Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time. The first thing he did was show me a bullet, then he basically said that if I don't submit to his daughter's every whim, that bullet will end my life. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her dad showed me his gun collection, and said the first rule of gun safety is never to point a gun at something you don't intend to kill. All while waving a handgun in my direction and glaring at me with barely suppressed rage. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML
Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML
Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad. He pointed to two crossed swords above the fireplace and informed me the right one is his, and that if I ever hurt his daughter, he’ll give me a fighting chance by letting me use the left one. This guy thinks he lives in the Middle Ages or something. FML
Today, my new girlfriend's father made good on his "What you do to her I do to you" threat when he took me out for drinks and then drunkenly hit on me. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time, and from what I'd heard he's super strict and uptight. I go in for the firm handshake after introducing myself while looking him in the eyes and I accidentally grabbed his junk. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents for the first time. Her dad killed and skinned a goat in front of me, while staring at me the whole time. FML
Today, I was getting ready for my first date with a boy I really like when my dad insisted on meeting him. My dad is super protective and a cop. He cleaned his gun in front of my date and made it clear he had to be careful with me. My date started to cry when we got to the car. FML
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Top comments
bjhhjh 20
And thats the reason there is 911 and life crisis hotlines
xThatOneWeirdGuy 18
Unless he was joking, run. Now.
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Comments (156)
bestbelieve 9
If a father ever showed me a bullet or said anything about him owning a gun, id just ask to take me to the shooting range. It should work lol
howdoilogin 9
Don't let the father of your girlfriend get away with trying to act like a badass. His little princess does have flaws and if he can't accept that he can spend the night in jail.
Muttley9 13
Bill Engvall's plan to prevent potential boyfriends from taking advantage of his daughter: I'm going to pull him in tight next to me so only he and I can hear the conversation. And I'm gonna say to him, "Boy, look at me. You see that little girl right there? She's my only little girl, man. She's my life. So if you have any . . . thoughts . . . about huggin', or . . . kissin', you remember these words: I've got no problem going back to prison."
hhelms2009 8
One of two, regret or respect. You choose. :)
drewk877 5
tell him you can swing a fist faster than he can load a gun.
Ep1cTaco 1
I might mine for the first time yesterday and he told me he bought a new 12 g that's loaded and ready for me FML
Daydreamer4466 6
Time to say by by by.
namelessmonster 6
Sounds like you need Jesus!
octopussperm125 18
Show him your third arm and tell him that will ruin her life
willmatrix 6
Two things. 1) if she wants the D, then you better give it. 2) Did he specify who'd be shooting the bullet? He may know his daughter is psychotic and was trying to give you advice/warning.