Today, I met a girl who's the whole package: brains, beauty, shared interests, great personality, single, and into me. Too bad I married my bitchy, depressive high school girlfriend who said she'd kill herself if I didn't. Sometimes, she still tells me she'll do it if we divorce. I believe her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend's mom pulled me aside and started telling me about how her daughter was extremely depressed and suicidal before she met me, and how happy her family is because of me. I was planning on breaking up with her within the next week. FML
Today, I had a great time with a girl I liked. I asked her out and she said yes. She also said she cuts herself and if I ever broke up with her, I'll be responsible for her death. FML
Today, the girl who I had a desperate crush on in high school 25 years ago, and who would never go out with me, told me that she was actually head over heels in love with me, but was so cripplingly shy that she couldn't say yes. She's divorced now. I'm married. FML
Today, I have been dating an incredibly gorgeous woman. She had a poor self image and after the longest time, I finally convinced her to seek counselling to help her self esteem. It worked. So well in fact that she just broke up with me because she "finally realized she could do so much better" FML
Today, my daughter has been such a bridezilla that her fiancé actually dumped her. He treated her well, was handsome, and rich to boot, while still working at his career, yet she couldn’t calm down enough to see she was ruining her life. Now, after the breakup, she's moved back in with me. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with depression. My girlfriend's idea of consoling me was to break up with me because she can't date a "psycho". FML
Today, it appears that when in high school I made one of those "If we're unmarried at 35, we should marry each other" deals. Well, this afternoon she turned up at my house. I'm not married, but I have a pregnant girlfriend. She claimed a girlfriend doesn't count so our promise is still binding. And yes, she had the crazy eyes. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 weeks gave me an ultimatum: marry her, or she kills herself. FML
Today, I bumped into the bitchy mean girl who bullied me mercilessly throughout high school, leaving deep emotional scars. When I told my boyfriend who she was, he picked her up, carried her out of the store, and threw her into a puddle. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for a girl he met through me. I shouldn't feel bad. Apparently, she's exactly like me, only much prettier. FML
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Top comments
Brukernavn 0
Note to self: Don't marry while still a horny teenager.
escualida 0
YDI for marrying someone because of a threat... grow a pair!
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Comments (269)
JunoB 0
"Dear, I am leaving you. I sincerely hope you do not make the unfortunate decision to kill yourself, but if you're really determined to do it, it would be impossible for anyone to stop you." Seriously. That's what you do. P.S. Don't kid yourself about "the whole package." She has flaws, too. Surely you've already learned a lesson about rushing into things?
hamster_3 0
You're weak. So was my boyfriend before he met me and was dating a girl who's exactly like your wife. Chances are your wife is bluffing; assert yourself and call her out. File those divorce papers asap and start living. And while you're at it, you'd do well to be everything this new girl deserves.
haj_fml 4
Cheat on her.
SmittyJA24 26
Hey Dude... If you're so easily manipulated... Send me all your money NOW, before I commit suicide. Thank you.
zelinda_fml 0
The key to dealing with people who use suicide as a bargaining chip because they lack the self control to wait for what they want and/or aren't appealing enough as a person to keep a partner interested is to stop carrying whether they live or die. "Yeah, my life would be better without you in it. Thanks for reminding me. I'm leaving you." I'm happier and happier every day since I left the person who was holding me back. (Not to mention that he's alive and over me.)
perdix 31
Have an affair with the new girl. Pretty soon, you'll find out that she is a depressive bitch, too. They all are.
quarty165 0
sounds like you're the one with issues here to stab at girls like that.
Rayn4u_fml 0
Perdix, just like me before you, you have to learn the hard way that sexist comments (even the most obviously sarcastic ones) end up in censorship.
perdix 31
But we love playing on the edge, don't we?
hoyce 0
Dump the bitch.
frannyg 0
How could this not be a YDI? You're the one who married her. Deal with it, dude.
perdix 31
Touché
RMC000 7
Sucks for you, mate...but you shouldn't be out trying to diddle other women if you're already married.
MrAdventure 1
You're not in charge of the High School Glee Club, are you?
blue8795 0
Haha. This comment is gold.