Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML
Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML
Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML
Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML
Today I opened the door for my cat and he brought in a rat with him. Now the rat is hiding in my house. FML
Today, a wild squirrel managed to get into my house. I can't see him… but I can hear him in the walls. FML
Today, I went to use a public restroom. I walked into the first stall and found it occupied… by a raccoon. It hissed at me, and in my panic, I backed into a janitor's cart, knocking over the mop and bucket. I had to leave the bathroom drenched in dirty water while a crowd of people watched. FML
Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML
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Top comments
chevygirl23 17
Call animal control
Trym 7
Hiss back! Display your dominance!
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Comments (157)
circuitboynm 8
You're at the top of the food chain there scared-y-pants.
awilliams44 9
animal control
furbyface711 9
My future father in law once threatened to call the cops on a raccoon. He ran away and never came back. It worked on an alligator also. Haha
SwimmerBoy16 15
Air horn, fire extinguisher, a house knife, yell at them, run at them, raccoons really can't hurt you unless they have a high vertical...
thaliah 15
In Louisiana, we just open a window and shoot em.
evolute72113 9
I live raccoons... U should be ashamed of yourself... Your apartment was probably built on their birth place
rec_chem 22
Don't call animal control or anything. Stand there like a deer in the headlights and hope they go away lol
zsshamalama 11
Pussy
jQuery 2
I recommend animal control.
ashjo 12
just call animal control. .