Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML
Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML
Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML
Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML
Today I opened the door for my cat and he brought in a rat with him. Now the rat is hiding in my house. FML
Today, a wild squirrel managed to get into my house. I can't see him… but I can hear him in the walls. FML
Today, I went to use a public restroom. I walked into the first stall and found it occupied… by a raccoon. It hissed at me, and in my panic, I backed into a janitor's cart, knocking over the mop and bucket. I had to leave the bathroom drenched in dirty water while a crowd of people watched. FML
Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML
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Top comments
chevygirl23 17
Call animal control
Trym 7
Hiss back! Display your dominance!
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Comments (157)
NodakN8V 25
Forest Gump: momma jus chase'em off the porch with a broom stick
mockingjay87 4
If any wild raccoon hissed at me, my winter boots would be the first and last thing they'd see. And maybe a ******* shovel.
cwl727 33
I hope they are cute.
MamaWohlffe 8
I once had a full-grown raccoon sit on my porch fence, having a stare-down with my Border Collie, who tried valiantly to climb the fence and managed to chase it off. This same Border Collie also attacked a rat who snuck in, and it must have told all its rodent brethren to avoid our house, because we never saw another one again.
Vince_Masuka 12
Move out, it's their house now.
Emma1562 35
Slap the little bitches
aguynamednick 20
get a gun nuf said
thatsavagecat 12
Kick those muther f*ckers?
erphy21 14
call animal control.
Jazed 9
kick it