Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML
Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML
Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML
Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML
Today I opened the door for my cat and he brought in a rat with him. Now the rat is hiding in my house. FML
Today, a wild squirrel managed to get into my house. I can't see him… but I can hear him in the walls. FML
Today, I went to use a public restroom. I walked into the first stall and found it occupied… by a raccoon. It hissed at me, and in my panic, I backed into a janitor's cart, knocking over the mop and bucket. I had to leave the bathroom drenched in dirty water while a crowd of people watched. FML
Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML
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Top comments
chevygirl23 17
Call animal control
Trym 7
Hiss back! Display your dominance!
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Comments (157)
Toast7 6
A metal shovel usually does the trick
Toast7 6
Aww c'mon guys, stop taking me seriously
Toast7 6
But seriously the last time I encountered this problem, my dad's solution was to chase it away using a large stick.
tj4234 36
no they don't. Also, windows are classed as an exit.
Ihavegas 22
spray can and a lighter
Omniprism 15
Bug spray.
Kristoffer 35
WTF just call Animal Control.
Kainen 2
I'll be HAPPY to come "take care" of your problem. Just tells where you life.
Epikouros 32
... and there's the redneck from #31.
cassey_lea 15
call the police
pickleOnABun 10
SHOOT THEM! BAM. PROBLEM SOLVED.
alexmedina_cx 6
Hiss back
menfearme 10
Raccoons are super smart. Do not give them food!! They'll be back every day. Call animal control. When thats done animal proof your place. Theres something out there that they are after. Garbage can, maybe?