Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while dining at a restaurant I heard a women choking. I immediately ran to her, wrapped my arms around her and started giving her abdominal thrusts. She freed herself and slapped me. Turns out she wasn't choking, she was just laughing. FML
Today, during lunch, I choked on my food and possibly came close to death when my boyfriend's best friend performed the Heimlich Maneuver on me, potentially saving my life. My boyfriend then started arguing with me over letting his best friend touch my stomach. FML
Today, I mistook a coworker’s laughter for choking and performed the Heimlich maneuver on them in the break room. They weren’t choking, but now they’re afraid to laugh near me. FML
Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML
Today, I learned that, when choking on a piece of food, you can cough hard enough to partially prolapse a hemorrhoid. FML
Today, my boyfriend gently pointed out that when we hug, it's our stomachs that touch first. FML
Today, I was at a friend's house teasing her with a pickle. She hates them so I thought it would be funny to pretend to deep throat it. Her dad came in and startled me so bad, I inhaled it. She had to call 911 while he performed the Heimlich maneuver. I’m no longer welcome back. FML
Today, I had a violent coughing fit while at the store, which caused a lady to think I was choking, grab me from behind and start doing the Heimlich maneuver incorrectly. She broke two of my ribs. FML
Today, I was being a little playful with my boyfriend when we began wrestling. He then put me in a choking headlock and wouldn't let me out until I "tapped out". FML
Today, a child was choking in the store I work at. He was alone in the aisle, so I started the Heimlich without his parents' permission. After dislodging what was caught, his mother turned the corner and went screaming to my manager for touching her kid. I got a write up. FML
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Top comments
morondon000 14
Well you could do the hymen maneuver... But I'd try saving them first.
jamie_elocin 18
I feel that would make a good pickup line... "Hey baby, I'm trained in CPR. Want me to show you the hymen maneuver?"
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Comments (56)
ofmiceandmya 16
Well, the hymen maneuver could always work too..
ohSNAPyall 27
Only if they're choking on a cherry. Edit: Oops, saw 18 right after I posted this.
Vickeh 15
Don't see why this is a FML. Sure, it kinda is embarassing but no one knows everything, right? (;
christian1509 21
Don't beat yourself up about it, I'm sure they get a good laugh out of it but I don't think it made them think of you any worse
martin8337 36
The hymen maneuver is use to pop out a cherry.
SierraaaNicoleee 26
You can only go up from there.
cryssycakesx3 23
well he could go down for the Hymen maneuver...
Fuhkyoo 17
well now youre going to look even better to them now that they think you dont know what a hymen is, youve come out ahead my friend
Aero_x 21
oh that is embarrassing. I'm sure everyone got a good laugh out if it though. I did.
LuciaTheReadhead 9
Well some girls might be scared that you break it... a rib I mean.
RedPillSucks 33
If she's choking because of your hymen maneuver, you're pushing too hard.
Gweedo65 16
More like the hymen remover