Today, I learned that in my family, 'Father's Day' is more like 'Father's drunken, piss on a plant in the kitchen during breakfast, order you to scrub in between his toes with your toothbrush Day.' FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad decided to have a little father and daughter bonding time. Unfortunately, his idea of bonding involves him sitting around at home, getting piss drunk, and falling asleep. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML
Today, it's my 15th birthday. My dad stumbled into my bedroom at six in the morning, completely drunk, and slurred the "Happy Birthday" song. Then he told me to go fuck myself, and said that he wished I was never born. Me too, dad. Me too. FML
Today, my parents forgot it was my birthday. They ordered me to scrub the common bathroom, and when I asked if they'd remembered, my dad's reaction was, "Oh! Really?" My mom's was, "I thought that it was next week." What lovely parents I have. FML
Today, I made it halfway through saying "Happy Father's Day" before he interrupted to send me to do an unimportant chore. When I finished, he’d opened the beer I'd bought him, despite it being 7:30am, but he was convinced it was a bribe because I wanted something from him. I don’t know why I bother. FML
Today, at 8:00am, I walked into the kitchen and stubbed my toe. That's quite a normal occurrence, but this time, I stubbed it on my drunk, passed out, 53-year-old father's forehead. He's mad at me now and has cancelled my allowance. I'm 23. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, it's Fathers Day. Both of my adult daughters called me… from their stepfather's house. FML
Today, I decided to visit my dad. I haven't seen him in a while so I wanted to give him another chance to be an actual dad to me. Apparently, getting drunk and getting it on with his girlfriend while I was there was more important than spending time with his daughter, who he hasn't seen in almost a year. FML
Today, I learned to never invite my father to a wedding. He'll show up late, complain about the food, piss on a tree, and leave. FML
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Top comments
SyraSid5 0
use his toothbrush instead, he's probably to drunk to even notice, and then tell him when he is sober!
emopinback 0
i wish i had a father but now i dont want one
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Comments (93)
Senseless_487 29
Lol the last time me dad got really drunk, he came home on my birthday, laid down on their bed, repeatedly said booze (or boots, it was impossible to tell), then threw up all over the floor. The only reason I didn't have to clean it up was because it was my birthday. I got to laugh at my brother while he cleaned it up. But we thought the smell would never come out! Good times…gooooood times… XD
JokeMeister 0
WTF! Are you part of the Manson Family or what? I know a good therapists number.
Trixies100 0
put him on a chain ouside and take his clothes away... that will teach him
Cookiez1999 0
dude its fathers day xD how some respect but i do have to say did u choose to use ur toothbrush? =.=
myworld99 0
sounds like my uncle. every saturday.
dark_doc 0
oh that's nasty
ghm1234 0
you don't have to listen to that
Jenna_Bennasser 0
well, it appears that you have had a very productive day
mellisabravo 3
omgg;;lmao
foreversummer67 3
same difference