Today, I learned that in my family, 'Father's Day' is more like 'Father's drunken, piss on a plant in the kitchen during breakfast, order you to scrub in between his toes with your toothbrush Day.' FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad decided to have a little father and daughter bonding time. Unfortunately, his idea of bonding involves him sitting around at home, getting piss drunk, and falling asleep. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML
Today, it's my 15th birthday. My dad stumbled into my bedroom at six in the morning, completely drunk, and slurred the "Happy Birthday" song. Then he told me to go fuck myself, and said that he wished I was never born. Me too, dad. Me too. FML
Today, my parents forgot it was my birthday. They ordered me to scrub the common bathroom, and when I asked if they'd remembered, my dad's reaction was, "Oh! Really?" My mom's was, "I thought that it was next week." What lovely parents I have. FML
Today, I made it halfway through saying "Happy Father's Day" before he interrupted to send me to do an unimportant chore. When I finished, he’d opened the beer I'd bought him, despite it being 7:30am, but he was convinced it was a bribe because I wanted something from him. I don’t know why I bother. FML
Today, at 8:00am, I walked into the kitchen and stubbed my toe. That's quite a normal occurrence, but this time, I stubbed it on my drunk, passed out, 53-year-old father's forehead. He's mad at me now and has cancelled my allowance. I'm 23. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, it's Fathers Day. Both of my adult daughters called me… from their stepfather's house. FML
Today, I decided to visit my dad. I haven't seen him in a while so I wanted to give him another chance to be an actual dad to me. Apparently, getting drunk and getting it on with his girlfriend while I was there was more important than spending time with his daughter, who he hasn't seen in almost a year. FML
Today, I learned to never invite my father to a wedding. He'll show up late, complain about the food, piss on a tree, and leave. FML
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Top comments
SyraSid5 0
use his toothbrush instead, he's probably to drunk to even notice, and then tell him when he is sober!
emopinback 0
i wish i had a father but now i dont want one
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Comments (93)
yelwarc 0
sorry op fml
joeyisinsane 0
lick my *******
seanreddog 4
He's just tryna have fun.
daymann 0
peeing in kitchen plants... the regar old American dream
cloverpi314 4
ahahhahahagha!!
JuroBear 0
Really? That sounds more like my birthday!
Nena713 0
Fyl. All my dad wants to do today is chill.
TaylorTotsYumm 10
Wow, I wonder what mother's day is like in your family.
xBangOut 4
He have his style!
lololol32 0
Hey, pee is good for plants. It carrys nitrogen and other minerals, helping the plant be more robust, AND your father is reducing water pollution by putting his piss to good use. You have a lot to learn from your father and you would be wise to follow in his footsteps. ... just kidding OP, this FML is pretty sad :(
oppsalot 0
#38 yeah man! Ammonia is super good for plants!! ;)
raymel 5
France.... and fyl that's gross
Stefany713 0
in my family fathers day mean both my dad and my mom coming home at 3am drunk telling me and my brother not to worry if they die that night. then my dad passes out on the floor while my mom falls in her own puke, saying it smells bad. I'm so serious this happened last year lol
BuddyChristSays 0
best father ever
PYLrulz 17
38 - good point X-D
StoryOfTheYear 15
Well, at least my family is normal, day at the park for the past few hours and now were making corn on the cob. Indeed an fml for OP, your dad has issues
Ms_Jessie22 8
I'm flying all day, I don't even get to see my daddy til tomorrow :(
lololol32 0
Ms_Jessie, are you like a celebrity in FML? You know everyone and everyone seems to know you
StoryOfTheYear 15
If you go on FML often enough people know who you are, like me and her and a few others
ke59100 1
This fml was worded lamely. You're lame.
bigdaddy45 0
lol classic
Roflmaaark 0
...whens Fathers Dsy? My mum and dad havent said anything about it.
NatDancer2010 0
ahhh the glories of papas
llcooljoey 0
yup (I hate antiflood) (I hate it more now) (now this is just getting evil)
comatoast 0
it's fathers day! he puts up with your crap the other 364 days out of the year, so let him do whatever the **** he wants!
Ms_Jessie22 8
Haha celebrity? No. Although glamour ***** (as I've been called) does seem almost synonomous with that. I just come on here often enough to recognize most people and be recognized in turn. Loren's more of a 'celeb' than me. He's sure been around longer.
xzain 0
ydi for not sayin no
DesiGir324 0
OP, I wanna hear what he does on his birthday next.
kram02 2
aww sorry op that sucks.. hate it when my dad is drunk..
Freeze_fml 17
I am a celebrity. Show us your bra.
Ms_Jessie22 8
Freeze- You wish :P
Wow_FYL_BIZNITCH 7
Shoulda used his toothbrush to scrub his toe jam. He wouldn't know the difference.
bluelahve 0
well... it IS his day... but that sucks
samanthadude 0
I agree, it is his day, I'm sure you can deal for one day. My dad just wants us to leave him alone and let him watch his sports on father's day. =P
WallyTheWombat 0
getting drunk? peeing in plants? foot massages? I want to party with op's father!
emopinback 0
i wish i had a father but now i dont want one
SyraSid5 0
use his toothbrush instead, he's probably to drunk to even notice, and then tell him when he is sober!
ygdrassil 17
Or just throw out the toothbrush when you're through.
so_unlucky89765 4
wow tht sux fyl
NBS93 0
That really sucks.
Raleigh_bruh 7
Scrub in between hos toes with your toothbrush..? I really don't see why he made you do that, but if you had to do that why not use his toothbrush instead?
Raleigh_bruh 7
Gahh, *his
samanthadude 0
-.- I was just about to correct you, just my luck. :P
Raleigh_bruh 7
Like I'm just going to let you do that? :P I'm glad I caught it in time.
sourgirl101 29
Well thank God it's only once a year.
alliebaba7 8
Fathers day us only once a year bur he can be drunk whenever
weavermycutecat 0
oooooooh.....
phatdaddy62 23
life as it should be. har!