Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML
Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuckbuddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML
Today, I went home early from a business trip to find my house covered with rose petals. Thinking it was a romantic notion from my boyfriend, I went up to the bedroom. I opened the door to find him lying there, getting it on with my sister. FML
Today, I realized our life has been lacking in romance lately, so I got a card, a bunch of flowers, and made reservations at a lovely restaurant for a nice evening. When I got home and gave my wife the flowers, all she did was sigh and ask what I "fucked up this time." She also refused to go to dinner. FML
Today, I sent the kids to my parents' house, tidied the house, and made reservations for a fancy restaurant, hoping to surprise my wife. When she got home and I handed her flowers, she sighed and said, "Can you stop with the stupid romance shit? It's embarrassing. We're six years married, not two moonstruck kids." FML
Today, I caught my wife trying to give herself oral sex. It was sexy and also kinda funny, so I offered to do it to her properly. She got explosively mad for some reason and actually threw me out. I’m writing this from my brother's spare room, wondering where I went wrong. FML
Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML
Today, on a whim, I bought my wife some flowers on my way home. She put them in a vase then asked me what stupid thing I did that I’m pre-apologising for. She refuses to believe I bought her flowers for any other reason. Man, I must be a really shitty husband. FML
Today, I got flowers at work. I was excited, until I saw they were from a friend saying, "Sorry for sleeping with your boyfriend!" FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to visit me and my brother at our apartment. I left for just five minutes to fix us lunch. When I got back, she was making out with my brother. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Nykaen 0
Dude... Leave her, she is worthless. And disown your brother... No man should ever do that to family.
crazyval619 6
Dude that sucks.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (176)
Maxtor_fml 0
To start off with, cancel her credit card, and move all your savings to an off shore account she cant touch, then deck your brother, divorce the bitch, and leave her with nothing, sell her car and take the money for that, and leave her with the clothes on her back, and her library card so she can go onto FML and post about her divorce.
taitoxic 0
maaaatee my "brutha" done the same thing ......hes 15 and shes 27......go figure??
FrickAndFrack 0
That really sucks.
axlman 0
**** your brother!!
jakeidk 0
kill em both with a sledge-ax and video it for me
LOL97_fml 0
aawww sad!!
niesenator 0
I'm so sorry. People like your wife make me want to vomit
Ericabbyx22 0
one word--**** ***** hoe....oh wait thats three words
zeeindahouse 0
threesome dude!
lovergirl2 0
two words divorce bitch
stubby84 0
how is it regards can post he deserves it?