Today, I invited a girl back to my house and she seemed cool. I then left to go to the toilet. When I came back, there was a giant wet patch on the rug. The girl then blamed it on my dog, whose picture is on the wall. My dog died last week. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, when I was at my girlfriend's house, I farted and blamed it on the cat. I forgot the cat died 2 weeks ago. FML
Today, my roommate let his dog out. Not even five minutes later, she walked into my room and dropped a deuce. FML
Today, I woke up to a note from my parents saying we needed to talk. Assuming it was about the weed I'd left on my dresser, I quickly confessed. Turns out my dog died. FML
Today, after coming home from a two week vacation, my dog was pink, there were beer bottles and used condoms on my bed, and everything was a mess. I asked my sister, who'd been watching over the place, what had happened. She just said, "Oops." and hung up. FML
Today, I came home from my vacation. My sister had been taking care of my dog and my apartment while I was away. As I walked in, I was greeted by a floor covered in poop and a destroyed couch. FML
Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML
Today, I drunkenly buried my girlfriend's recently deceased cat. Later she asked to see it and came back inside crying. It turns out I didn't bury it completely and its two back legs were poking out of the dirt. FML
Today, I left my dog alone in the house for ten minutes while I took a shower. When I got out I found a mess of dust all over the floor and her ripping up a package that was supposed to be sent to my aunt. It contained my grandmother's ashes. FML
Today, after I spent the evening at a girl's house that I'm seeing, I woke in the morning and put my pants on to leave, only to have her dog's poop roll out of the leg of my pants. This wouldn't be so bad if last week the same dog hadn't left the same treat right where I step when getting out of bed. FML
Today, I went to move my dog that had been napping in the middle of my bed for the last few hours, only to discover that he wasn't napping. He died. FML
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Top comments
dezman2000 21
It used to be "My dog ate my homework" not "Your dog peed on the floor" What has our world come to
AyeJay101 25
I don't even know what to say... I guess new requirement in a partner is if they're potty trained?
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Comments (88)
Destiny8745 29
I really hope you post a follow up. I need to know what happened next.
IssacB 14
She happen to be drunk?
mandyn333 10
I would love to hear how this was handled. It must have been really awkward to tell her that your dog died.
zeffra13 31
I'm going to be nice and hope she had gotten a glass of water/juice and spilled it unintentionally.
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Ghost dog is annoyed you've moved on from its death so quickly.
chy_fml 22
Damn was she trying to mark her territory or something.
Nothingness1 3
It's odd how everyone assumes she peed on the floor. There are other factors not mentioned in the post, like maybe she spilled a drink or some sort of liquid on the carpet and didn't want to admit she spilled it so she blamed the dog. There could have been a case with waters and flower in it that got knocked over by accident. You never know.
bloodtalonx 5
Plot twist: there is a leak in the roof.
BigDave469 15
You are dating Poppi's daughter! Just turn over the couch cushion!
SystemofaBlink41 27
I... what? Did she just pee out of habit and then saw the picture of your dog to use as an excuse or was it the other way around? We'll never know, I guess.