Today, I invited a girl back to my house and she seemed cool. I then left to go to the toilet. When I came back, there was a giant wet patch on the rug. The girl then blamed it on my dog, whose picture is on the wall. My dog died last week. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, when I was at my girlfriend's house, I farted and blamed it on the cat. I forgot the cat died 2 weeks ago. FML
Today, my roommate let his dog out. Not even five minutes later, she walked into my room and dropped a deuce. FML
Today, I woke up to a note from my parents saying we needed to talk. Assuming it was about the weed I'd left on my dresser, I quickly confessed. Turns out my dog died. FML
Today, after coming home from a two week vacation, my dog was pink, there were beer bottles and used condoms on my bed, and everything was a mess. I asked my sister, who'd been watching over the place, what had happened. She just said, "Oops." and hung up. FML
Today, I came home from my vacation. My sister had been taking care of my dog and my apartment while I was away. As I walked in, I was greeted by a floor covered in poop and a destroyed couch. FML
Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML
Today, I drunkenly buried my girlfriend's recently deceased cat. Later she asked to see it and came back inside crying. It turns out I didn't bury it completely and its two back legs were poking out of the dirt. FML
Today, I left my dog alone in the house for ten minutes while I took a shower. When I got out I found a mess of dust all over the floor and her ripping up a package that was supposed to be sent to my aunt. It contained my grandmother's ashes. FML
Today, after I spent the evening at a girl's house that I'm seeing, I woke in the morning and put my pants on to leave, only to have her dog's poop roll out of the leg of my pants. This wouldn't be so bad if last week the same dog hadn't left the same treat right where I step when getting out of bed. FML
Today, I went to move my dog that had been napping in the middle of my bed for the last few hours, only to discover that he wasn't napping. He died. FML
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Top comments
dezman2000 21
It used to be "My dog ate my homework" not "Your dog peed on the floor" What has our world come to
AyeJay101 25
I don't even know what to say... I guess new requirement in a partner is if they're potty trained?
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Comments (88)
trucker2 33
I think I would have thrown her through the door, rather than show her the door.
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
I bet that rug really tied the room together, too.
bapbap_fml 15
This comment ftw
tbro47 23
Damn she's already marking her territory? Moves a bit too fast, this one.
Utetopia2014 18
Err... I think the fml was about blaming the dead dog, not the wet patch on the floor, from most likely her spilling a drink, and not pissing on the floor that everyone assumes.
neuronerd 29
I think people are assuming she peed, based on OP's username, "urinator.". Also, because she said the dog did it. I don't understand why anyone would say a spilled drink is dog pee.
SauceySarah 30
In a way, I feel bad for her. She probably really had to pee, was embarrassed to ask about where the restroom was, and one's bladder can only take so much before it just lets go of all the urine. If that happened to you, you would try to save face too and think of anything to possibly blame it on.
Emirac 10
I once had a girl pee on the floor of the store I work at because she didn't want to interrupt the other associate showing her something to ask for the bathroom. She was so humiliated and ran out. I can't imagine how peeing on someone's rug is a better alternative to just asking to use their bathroom
CrazyChiC42 10
If she peed herself there would be obviously wet pants/legs/socks/shoes unless she popped a squat. Popping a squat on the rug screams intentional. Wetting herself screams urinary incontinence.
CrazyChiC42 10
If no visible evidence or urine odor then most likely she spilled something or didn't cause it and just guessed that the dog did it
SimplyCyrax 17
Oh... Oh no... She has a pee fetish... Get Out Now Op!
poostickles 14
Did you rub her nose it it?
Lalala579121 28
I hope she was reaaaaaally drunk...