Today, I invited a girl back to my house and she seemed cool. I then left to go to the toilet. When I came back, there was a giant wet patch on the rug. The girl then blamed it on my dog, whose picture is on the wall. My dog died last week. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, when I was at my girlfriend's house, I farted and blamed it on the cat. I forgot the cat died 2 weeks ago. FML
Today, my roommate let his dog out. Not even five minutes later, she walked into my room and dropped a deuce. FML
Today, I woke up to a note from my parents saying we needed to talk. Assuming it was about the weed I'd left on my dresser, I quickly confessed. Turns out my dog died. FML
Today, after coming home from a two week vacation, my dog was pink, there were beer bottles and used condoms on my bed, and everything was a mess. I asked my sister, who'd been watching over the place, what had happened. She just said, "Oops." and hung up. FML
Today, I came home from my vacation. My sister had been taking care of my dog and my apartment while I was away. As I walked in, I was greeted by a floor covered in poop and a destroyed couch. FML
Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML
Today, I drunkenly buried my girlfriend's recently deceased cat. Later she asked to see it and came back inside crying. It turns out I didn't bury it completely and its two back legs were poking out of the dirt. FML
Today, I left my dog alone in the house for ten minutes while I took a shower. When I got out I found a mess of dust all over the floor and her ripping up a package that was supposed to be sent to my aunt. It contained my grandmother's ashes. FML
Today, after I spent the evening at a girl's house that I'm seeing, I woke in the morning and put my pants on to leave, only to have her dog's poop roll out of the leg of my pants. This wouldn't be so bad if last week the same dog hadn't left the same treat right where I step when getting out of bed. FML
Today, I went to move my dog that had been napping in the middle of my bed for the last few hours, only to discover that he wasn't napping. He died. FML
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Top comments
dezman2000 21
It used to be "My dog ate my homework" not "Your dog peed on the floor" What has our world come to
AyeJay101 25
I don't even know what to say... I guess new requirement in a partner is if they're potty trained?
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Comments (88)
WOTAN1488 24
Well, now you have another bitch in replacement :/
Sandsh8rk 36
I think she needs to be sent back to potty training...
olpally 33
She couldn't ask to use the bathroom? Let alone go outside if she had to go that bad? Jesus!
corky1992 33
Wth? That's nasty!
Tyyeezyjr 13
Did you make her clean it up?
newzealand 28
Unless she is batshit crazy and peed there on purpose, she probably has a problem and must be mortified. Give her a break, isn't the shame enough?
TheNewGuy03 29
She had a break. A bathroom break. On the rug. Seriously, if she is too much of a pussy (heh) to just ask where the bathroom is, then I'm afraid it's gonna be downhill from there. There are few guarantees in life, and two of them are ******** and pissing. I don't see the logic in pretending that you don't have bodily functions. I don't think she's all there mentally.
derangedplanet 23
Okay. as an adult I can say it is definitly possible for someone to pee herself. especially if she was waiting for the bathroom seeing as he was in it. imagine if she had a uti or something. holding it can be difficult. yeah I can understand that op has been quite screwed by the situation. but I imagine she too has a problem.
earlytermination 34
why the floor though? at least make it to a sink with a drain or something. It's so much more offensive that she blamed it on the dog.
MeltedMango 8
In her defense, I guess she just wasn't able to go to a restroom before while hanging out with OP to impress him. While he was using the restroom, there wasn't one, so I suppose accidents happen. Only thing you can fault her for is lying that his dog peed instead of her, but honestly when you wet somebody else's rug... I don't even know what you're supposed to say at that point.
MysticAmmu 17
This comment reminds me of the sims.
ImReallyBatman 15
You must have made her wet
ThinkGeek83 15
What the **** moment at its finest
courtneyburgessx 18
Looks like she's marking her territory