Today, I invited a girl back to my house and she seemed cool. I then left to go to the toilet. When I came back, there was a giant wet patch on the rug. The girl then blamed it on my dog, whose picture is on the wall. My dog died last week. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, when I was at my girlfriend's house, I farted and blamed it on the cat. I forgot the cat died 2 weeks ago. FML
Today, my roommate let his dog out. Not even five minutes later, she walked into my room and dropped a deuce. FML
Today, I woke up to a note from my parents saying we needed to talk. Assuming it was about the weed I'd left on my dresser, I quickly confessed. Turns out my dog died. FML
Today, after coming home from a two week vacation, my dog was pink, there were beer bottles and used condoms on my bed, and everything was a mess. I asked my sister, who'd been watching over the place, what had happened. She just said, "Oops." and hung up. FML
Today, I came home from my vacation. My sister had been taking care of my dog and my apartment while I was away. As I walked in, I was greeted by a floor covered in poop and a destroyed couch. FML
Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML
Today, I drunkenly buried my girlfriend's recently deceased cat. Later she asked to see it and came back inside crying. It turns out I didn't bury it completely and its two back legs were poking out of the dirt. FML
Today, I left my dog alone in the house for ten minutes while I took a shower. When I got out I found a mess of dust all over the floor and her ripping up a package that was supposed to be sent to my aunt. It contained my grandmother's ashes. FML
Today, after I spent the evening at a girl's house that I'm seeing, I woke in the morning and put my pants on to leave, only to have her dog's poop roll out of the leg of my pants. This wouldn't be so bad if last week the same dog hadn't left the same treat right where I step when getting out of bed. FML
Today, I went to move my dog that had been napping in the middle of my bed for the last few hours, only to discover that he wasn't napping. He died. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
dezman2000 21
It used to be "My dog ate my homework" not "Your dog peed on the floor" What has our world come to
AyeJay101 25
I don't even know what to say... I guess new requirement in a partner is if they're potty trained?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (88)
Tigerman9 3
do you know it was pee or did she accidentally spill a drink? Either way it's still messed up that she blamed your dog
mintlegendary 14
You should have rubbed her face in it
mccrightp 29
Did you tell her "urine trouble now!"
pengyvan 21
Today, I had to add 'doesn't pee on rugs' to my requirements for a woman. FML
ericp96 10
Maybe you really turned her on or she masturbated while you were in the bathroom
patte_fml 19
That rug really tied the room together.
salman_albalushi 19
I was looking for this comment
bdozo 17
RIP little doggy
Bryce8 11
I'm sure she has a small bladder and couldn't hold it in and panicked. I think she should be the one doing the FML.
awreaderchik 8
Honestly I think you should just give her a break like OP never said how long he was in the bathroom and she might have had to go really bad but she couldn't because he was in the bathroom