Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met a girl at a bar, we had a few drinks and really hit it off. We headed back to my place to get a little action. As she was riding me, she got rougher and rougher until she reached down and yanked a patch of hair right out of my beard. I yelped in pain and didn’t even finish. FML
Today, after months of Tinder-ing, first dates and being rejected, I finally was able to hook up with a girl. We met, we kissed, we danced and I took her back to my place. She then promptly tried to make out with my roommate. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML
Today, I was talking to the girl I really like, and she was telling me how crappy her day was. Trying to be nice, I gave her a back rub. I somehow managed to unhook her bra. FML
Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, I started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection, all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML
Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone" in a seductive tone. FML
Today, I was going to hook up with a new girl. She told me not to shower or wear deodorant when I came over, which I thought was a little odd but went along with. As we were getting warmed up, she started licking my sweaty armpit and moaning loudly. This is probably too weird to tolerate. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw up as I kissed between her legs. FML
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Top comments
kellster 2
Either she was a tranny, or you're really exaggerating. You do know that people have body hair, right? As in, the tiny, fuzzy kind? You'd probably better get over that pretty soon or you'll never have sex again.
icanhazlizard 0
I agree with 3 and 6. Hair is a natural part of being human. The girls are already expected to shave way more of their bodies than men have to be socially acceptable. I'm sick of hearing about how the hair on girls is disgusting. We shouldn't be rejected or made to go through ridiculously elaborate and time-consuming grooming routines because of it. It's *natural*. Get the **** over it.
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Comments (325)
altna 4
icanhazlizard, you are my hero of the day!
Rellikiox 0
#63... WTF?
eliz3 0
Why must people write fmls from the other persons perspective? Its not funny!
Hive_Node 2
Anybody who says YDI is jealous. Anyway, I wouldn't call this an FML because you still got laid... didn't you?
TheBrunetteDevil 0
i agree with 3, 6, and 10. wtf, people DO have tiny little fuzzy kinds of hair. and #12, go f yourself, #10 is just TRYING to make a point.
tornado87 0
#66 thinks he/she is clever with words but can't spell aesthetic! The OP is quite justified in having a sexual preference for hairless breasts, and unless he's a virgin picking up a girl in a bar then he's probably seen small blonde hairs before and isn't talking about that. My guess is she was a bit hairier than average. To everyone that thinks they're really mature and grown up for enjoying hairy breasts, you should grow up and respect someone's opinion to find certain things unattractive! Bloody puritans
robbyrabbit 0
just to let you know...boob hair happens. especially if you're someone who's not all white. so if you ever wanted a naturally tan girl...and not one that is incredibly fake tan...you better get over it. that's just how they come.
xHaniffax 0
I bet it wasn't even proper chest hair like how men have chest hair I bet it was just soft and the normal kind that human beings have all over their body OP get the **** over yourself because if it was more than normal then it probably wasn't a woman.
UGADawg08 1
You deserve it for hooking up with women at a bar. You'll never find a meaningful relationship with a functional human being there.
nikki1001 0
#27: Prude much? Chest hair on girls typically isn't long enough to "tickle [someone's] tongue" so I'm thinking the complaint here is not hair on her breasts, but unusually long hair on her breasts. There IS a difference and I can see how something like that could totally kill the mood.