Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML

Skinny love

Today, my girlfriend told me that I have “too much foreskin” and that I’d need to get circumcised if we were going to stay together. I’m already circumcised. FML

Today, I was fooling around with my new girlfriend. I guess she'd never been with an uncircumcised man before, because before I knew it I had a frenulum tear and had to go to the ER. FML

Today, I switched from a pediatrician to an adult doctor. The guy was really persistant about a few personal questions. Then he brought my parents in the room and told them that I have an abnormally small penis and what remedies he knows of to fix it. FML

Today, I got circumcised by my girlfriend's braces. FML

Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

Today, I went to the doctor's office because my wife and I are having some fertility problems. As I removed my pants, the doctor simply looked at my penis and said, "Mhm." My wife laughed the whole way home. FML

Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML

The chop

Today, I got a serious infection following a medically necessary circumcision, and my doctor told me they will probably have to remove even more of the skin where the infection is particularly aggressive. My knob is gonna look like Freddy Krueger's face on a bad day. FML

Headshot

Today, I was working on my computer when my dad walks in, pointing his finger at me like a gun. Before I could even ask, it turns out he was aiming a rubber band at me. The doctor says I'll be able to take off my eyepatch in a couple of days. FML