Today, I had to wait for my daughter's pet python to finish taking a bath before I could take a shower and go to work. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother found my escaped pet snake after she had already washed and dried it with the laundry. FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to blow-dry the sweat off her armpits instead of showering. FML
Today, my mother told me to take a quick shower. When I got out, she told me I took too long, and now I have to pay the utilities bill. My shower was two minutes long. FML
Today, when I came home, my daughter's baby-sitter was busy smelling my thongs. FML
Today, due to an unforeseen pipe-related incident, I had to shave my legs in my backyard fish pond, while a plumber assessed the damage to my war-zone of a bathroom. FML
Today, my new roommate took a shower. This would be a good thing, except for the fact that it's apparently taken her two months just to take this one. I have to live with her for another year. FML
Today, after waiting 3 weeks so she wouldn't be too stressed after being shipped, I was finally able to handle my snake for the first time. As I went to pick her up, I noticed she's about to shed and so is temporarily super stressed by any movement nearby, let alone contact. Here's to another week of waiting. FML
Today, I had to remove my brother's pubic hairs from the bathtub before bathing my son. FML
Today, I was shopping in a store and an employee was mopping the floor. She mopped all around where I was standing then told me to wait until the floor dried to move. I had to go to the bathroom. FML
Today, I had an very long day at work. I also had to take my daughter to the dentist and ballet class. Later, my 3 year-old son was having a diarrhoea, needing care, yet I pulled myself up, cooked, fed, read, cleaned the whole house except the kids' bedroom. My brother-in-law came, looked only at that and judged me horribly. FML
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Top comments
rnarshmallow 21
A clean python is a happy python! It's good to see your daughter has taught her pet about hygiene.
littleking94 14
Yeah I don't think I would argue with the python either.
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Comments (66)
ProfessorMctitie 20
Im sure the python wouldnt mind sharing with you
Alittleghosty 3
The snake was only sssssssoaking
hambro 9
sharing is caring?
DoDaJulio 13
You're the mom kick them out. I bet you have more than one bathroom, and multiple sinks. And the Python gets mad, bye bye girly parts!
Cringey 18
I think most domestic snakes have a water thing in their habitats. Consider getting her one. You're the adult, the kid can't tell you what to do.
hberri331 18
YDI your the parent you could have told her not to do that or better yet not let her have a snake because they aren't pets!
PANDORUM89 21
why? what qualifies an animal as a pet? They make great pets especially for people not looking to basically have a child to care for(dog) and don't want their couch clawed to bits(cat). so I'd love to know the definition of a pet to you.
Spankydamonkey 2
I would not blame you a bit if you skipped the shower.
HWICUNow 10
after cleaning a snake, I would suggest "filet", "cook", and "lunch"
Attacksloth 33
This definitely has potential to be a great illustrated FML.
earthlyscum 19
That's actually badass that your daughter has a python, snakes rule.