Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to go pick up my mother at 3 in the morning. She had been out drinking and couldn't drive. She parties more than I do. FML
Today, I had to drive my drunk parents home from a party. They leaned out the window and barked at everyone we passed all the way home. FML
Today, I had to pick up my dad because he was too drunk to drive home. Drive his wheelchair home, that is. FML
Today, I had to pick up my drunk mom at bar. While we were driving home, she thanked me over and over again, and then said, "Thank god you have no life!" FML
Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML
Today, as usual, my mom got shitfaced and started berating me for something. This time, it was for missing a therapy appointment. Not only am I unable to drive, it was her appointment. For her alcoholism. FML
Today, my mom left the house in the morning, leaving me alone. I called and I got no answer. Hours later, she finally answers one of my calls and tells me that she'd been in an AA meeting all this time. Happy, I tell her to come home. She came home drunk. FML
Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and tried to push me off a ladder. FML
Today, I had to be the designated driver for my mom and aunt. While driving them home, my aunt threw up on the car floor and my mom peed her pants, leaving a puddle in the seat. It was my car. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
johnthejolly 10
So by your logic you really are a son of a bitch
glimmer980 20
That sucks but at least you took them home instead of letting them drive home themselves putting many more people in danger. You're a good guy OP
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (83)
Caitie000 2
bruh.
patrickalamo 48
All Bitches be crazy
siggy_mcsigx 22
It's the holidays, your mum is allowed to get drunk once in a while. Suck it up and don't call your mother a bitch!
snazzymcwho 21
YDI for referring to adult women as "bitches.#
Candied_person 13
Don't drive have a alcoholic mother relatable 50%
burritobandit 7
Unless you happen to be an adorable freaking puppy. Never. EVER. Call your Mum a bitch.
limabeans101029 21
Generally I agree but, let's face it, some mothers ARE bitches
NodakN8V 25
That's when you stop at every gas station and pull up to the pump and make them pay the total... I love messing with drunk people.
katt_is_here 24
OP sounds like a classy SOB. I wonder how they taught a dog to type.
KingSplatter 9
So did u get any?
rabbitstew45 4
Hope she doesn't see this, you SOB.