Today, I had to pick my parents up from the hospital and drive them back home, after they were treated for eating large amounts of cheese that my dad claimed to have "aged" for several years. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I've been staying with my parents while I have time off from school. They got drunk and started an entire family fight because my dad made pizza and my mom is lactose intolerant. She insists my dad did it on purpose because, "he's an asshole and knows I can't eat cheese." FML
Today, my parents brought home lunch from a shady grocery store deli. They mused about how hard I am to feed because I turned it down; the last time I ate anything from there, it gave me botulism, and it tastes horrible anyway. They both got sick. Now I'm playing nurse to both. No apologies yet. FML
Today, I had to pick up my dad because he was too drunk to drive home. Drive his wheelchair home, that is. FML
Today, I dislocated my shoulder. I was screaming and writhing in pain, and my eyes were shut for most of the ride to the hospital. We stopped, and I was thrilled because I thought we were at the ER. I was wrong. My dad had stopped to order a cheeseburger. FML
Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML
Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML
Today, I went to work. All day, all I wanted to eat was my favorite cheese, which was waiting for me at home. I came home and someone had eaten it, then put the empty wrapper back in the fridge. FML
Today, I had an hour-long massage, meditated for while and was finally feeling good. Then I had to call an ambulance for my idiot father who had managed to get alcohol poisoning. FML
Today, I had to walk three miles home from work. Both my parents were at home. The reason they wouldn't collect me is apparently because I've "gotten so fat, your grandma cried after she saw you". FML
Today, my mom took medical advice from her friend over mine. Her friend sells cheese and I'm a pharmacist. FML
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Top comments
winnerme123 8
Cheese will only age without being unhealthy to eat under strict conditions.
mintcar 10
Your username, OP. I love that shit. Anyways, I wonder how they explained that to the doctor.
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Comments (67)
enormouselephant 15
I don't mean to get all cheesy but please send them my sympathies.
mintcar 10
Your username, OP. I love that shit. Anyways, I wonder how they explained that to the doctor.
FMLKitten 15
That's why you herve to be very caerphilly when you age cheese or else it won't be gouda.
bluestar1098 3
Your username is epic XD and shouldn't it be **** your parents live since they ate the cheese?
evilplatypus 39
23 - No, the parents would be YDI. OP is FML because he has to deal with this stupidity.
logbobbob 5
I like your name
redreynard 14
Don't knock it til you try it. The mold does something really wonderful for the texture.
Sandsh8rk 36
That's just Cheesy!
iloveweed69 7
I like cheese
wellthatsukx 0
It wouldn't last for "years" without decomposing.
vbmg152 19
42, you'd be surprised how long cheese lasts without decomposing! A very long time! It'll turn green, get hard & might smell but that's it!