Today, I had to pick my parents up from the hospital and drive them back home, after they were treated for eating large amounts of cheese that my dad claimed to have "aged" for several years. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I've been staying with my parents while I have time off from school. They got drunk and started an entire family fight because my dad made pizza and my mom is lactose intolerant. She insists my dad did it on purpose because, "he's an asshole and knows I can't eat cheese." FML
Today, my parents brought home lunch from a shady grocery store deli. They mused about how hard I am to feed because I turned it down; the last time I ate anything from there, it gave me botulism, and it tastes horrible anyway. They both got sick. Now I'm playing nurse to both. No apologies yet. FML
Today, I had to pick up my dad because he was too drunk to drive home. Drive his wheelchair home, that is. FML
Today, I dislocated my shoulder. I was screaming and writhing in pain, and my eyes were shut for most of the ride to the hospital. We stopped, and I was thrilled because I thought we were at the ER. I was wrong. My dad had stopped to order a cheeseburger. FML
Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML
Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML
Today, I went to work. All day, all I wanted to eat was my favorite cheese, which was waiting for me at home. I came home and someone had eaten it, then put the empty wrapper back in the fridge. FML
Today, I had an hour-long massage, meditated for while and was finally feeling good. Then I had to call an ambulance for my idiot father who had managed to get alcohol poisoning. FML
Today, I had to walk three miles home from work. Both my parents were at home. The reason they wouldn't collect me is apparently because I've "gotten so fat, your grandma cried after she saw you". FML
Today, my mom took medical advice from her friend over mine. Her friend sells cheese and I'm a pharmacist. FML
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Top comments
winnerme123 8
Cheese will only age without being unhealthy to eat under strict conditions.
mintcar 10
Your username, OP. I love that shit. Anyways, I wonder how they explained that to the doctor.
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Comments (67)
secretsymbiote21 5
how old are they again? haha
geon_olam 17
Old enough to know better. But then again, almost everyone is.
PleaseStayChill 9
However old they are, I'm surprised they lived long enough to have a kid.
GirlYouNasty 11
Considering the fact that they have a child capable of driving them home from the hospital, I'd say they're pretty old. However, it's often true that maturity can't be judged by age...
jojimugo 20
Apparently sarcasm is not appreciated on FML...
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Us fmlers condone sarcasm, we however do not condone stupid comments. Not saying 1's comment was stupid but it could have at least been mildly amusing.
evilplatypus 39
30 - Just because something is sarcastic, does not mean it is funny, witty, clever, interesting, insightful, etc.
timjones 8
Did no one else read OP's name?
falloutboy97 16
I did, and I love it. xD
LexieWins 0
How sophisticated.
ICastillo 25
I like my women like I like my cheese sweating, yellow and moldy... Wait that's not how it goes
liv_graham 7
Very classy. I wonder if the had 20 year old grape juice too.
I_lost_the_game 25
48- Words cannot describe the amount of what the fuckery that went through my mind when I read your comment.
Posthuman 26
Was he saving it from since he was a boy?
flutter4 7
Just for several years
flutter4 7
The green color of the cheese would turn me away
Psych101 9
You don't like green cheese?! Then what do you eat with your green eggs and ham?
flutter4 7
Lol true I forgot about my green eggs and ham :)
gc327072 31
Sorry if I'm thread jacking, but OP's name is freaking awesome.
Snoopy0718 14
That's why you write a comment instead of a reply.
winnerme123 8
Cheese will only age without being unhealthy to eat under strict conditions.
person961 9
That's my favorite type of cheese, I like when it's fuzzy too.
maddygirl820 10
Um ew
emeraldisle 30
The stench from the cheese didn't tip them off that something might be wrong?
syki 22
It wouldn't, as a lot of what are considered the best cheeses don't smell so great.
lexxiii 17
If they were trying to make homemade blue cheese, I'm pretty sure they're doing it wrong.
datoismyname 22
That is a creepy-ass eye you got there.
unsuccesfulmastu 4
I think it's sexy, it reminds me of 28 days later. Mmmm do I love zombie chicks ;)
Darkme 1
idk how ur parents could do that and not notice that the cheese looks like ur dad's puebs lol(just jking)
FMLKitten 15
Just just kidding?
Quinn32 16
Actually i think that is "just just kiddinging".
jackw428 6
I think it was meant to be "joking" but he left out an "o." Regardless, the spelling of that comment was cringeworthy.