Anonymous
United States
Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. From his butt. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Today, I had to remove a splinter from one of my roommates. This would have been better if the splinter wasn't deeply lodged in their asscheek. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, my mom sat on a pencil and started bleeding. She then made me clean the wound on her butt and put ointment on it. FML
maruskasommers
Czech Republic
Today, I came home with a friend to find my mom scratching my dad's butt with a fork. FML
smf_ds
Rebordosa, Portugal
Today, I witnessed my dad spreading his ass cheeks to show my mom the rashes his hemorrhoids are giving him. FML
jab43
United States
Today, after returning home from a camping trip, I found a leech on my love spuds. I ended up having to call my dad in to help me get it off. FML
Anonymous
United Kingdom
Hobbit feet
Today, my dad has such thick, horn like toenails that when I stepped on one of the cuttings, it actually stabbed into the thinner skin on the underside of my toe and bled like crazy. FML
clitorasaurus
This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff
Canada
Many such cases
Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML
wowawesome
This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff
Careful
Today, I got a second piercing in my ear. I needed help cleaning the back, so I asked my dad for help. I told him to careful, but right when I did, he tore the earring out with the cotton swab. Thanks, dad. FML
Waitingtomoveout
Today, I had to remove my brother's pubic hairs from the bathtub before bathing my son. FML
imblue42
This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff
United States
Content warning
Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML
Top comments
null_fml 11
Just, whatever you do, don't ask him how it got there. You're probably better off not knowing.
Xrandomkrisx 7
lol atleast your father appreciates you taking a splinter out from his butt :)
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Comments (107)
katrinasomething 0
@snickerdoodle, there is no "random" preposistional phrase in this fml. The phrase is critical to the meaning. Even if it were incorrect, this is the internet, an informal setting. If this website were used for professional reasons, I could totally see your point. However, that is not the case. Message-understanding is the only standard here. I do agree with your statement about the fml, but would have found a nicer way to put it.
null_fml 11
It would have flowed more smoothly, yes, but would not have been just as effective. When lacking the extra emphasis from the implied pause, as you've written it, it comes across as significantly more trivial.
b1acksharpi3mark 0
What about this: "Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. It was from his butt."
Asstazztic 8
It's not like it was on his dick
guitarheropimp2 0
how did he get a splinter on his ass????
milkshakesrule 0
Ew.
neonblue120 6
u gots a purty mouf lol :P
HSSN19 8
Look at the bright side... At least he didn't ask you to help him remove Master Yoshi from his butt.
tomahawkinyouall 0
@snickerdoodles: She/He is right. Having sentence fragments such as these are meant to create suspense. The OP also could have used hyphens or ellipsis. It wasn't meant to flow smoothly obviously perhaps you were reading it wrong.
bleedinginside 0
she's not hawt.
Tripout 0
neonblue is weird XD. anyways I agree with snickerdoodles and I would say something else but she kinda already took everything I was going to say. XD
Tripout 0
ummm YEA. if only I cully knew what she meant about that but YEA lol jk but really YES