Today, I had to have a cervical biopsy. The doctor said I would feel slight cramping as she scraped cells from inside the cervix. I guess by "slight cramping" she meant I would shit, throw up, and then pass out. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I felt a very sharp pain, like my appendix was going to burst. After going to the doctor, I was rushed to the hospital to get tests done. The doctors later told me there's nothing wrong, I was just constipated. I went to the hospital for them to basically tell me I'm full of shit. FML
Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML
Today, the pills my doctor prescribed for my extremely painful period cramps apparently have a side effect; excruciatingly painful cramps. I feel like I'm being repeatedly stabbed in the ovaries with a rusty fork. FML
Today, I went to the doctor to see if she could check a lump in my vagina. She pushed the lump and asked, "Does this make you want to use the bathroom for a number 2?" I said yes. Turns out, it’s hard poop pushing against my intestines and the outside vagina wall. FML
Today, I got diagnosed with stomach ulcers. They are very painful, and I have been throwing up blood. On my latest trip to the toilet, I was heaving and the pain was making me beat the floor with my fist, the toilet lid decided to come crashing down on my head, giving me a minor concussion. FML
Today, I had an ovarian cyst rupture at work, causing sudden severe stomach cramps; this caused my bowels to release everything right then and there, while on the phone with a customer, in the middle of the call center surrounded by 200 other sales reps. FML
Today, I was in class and felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I began to scream and cry because the pain was horrible, so the teacher called 911. After being rushed to the hospital, I was told that "I had gas cramps and would be fine." My whole class was listening on speakerphone to make sure I was ok. FML
Today, while working at the hospital, I had a patient with a blocked bowel. It was so bad, feces were entering into her stomach. While leaning down to talk with her, she threw up. I was both vomited and defecated on at the same time. FML
Today, I went to the hospital due to vomiting and abdominal pain, and they decided to fit me with an IV drip. It took several tries by two different people to get the cannula in. I feel like a human pin-cushion. FML
Today, I had horrible pains in my stomach area so I went to the doctors. They couldn't find anything wrong and sent me to the Emergency Room for X-rays. After spending the entire day in the hospital, they tell me I'm slightly constipated. I had to pay $400 to find out I had to take a shit. FML
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Top comments
HarshD9619 34
That's the equivalent of a dentist saying, "This won't hurt a bit."
expertsmilee 26
She just didn't wanna scare the shit out of ya.
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Comments (103)
expertsmilee 26
She just didn't wanna scare the shit out of ya.
dragonvale19 12
You suck. >:(
nickaa827 13
Shut up for the love of god
g007_fml 5
Too late!
cari_cat 19
Yeah, can everyone just stop making shitty jokes please?!
gichikku 14
She failed.
hmrhoades 18
Looks like she did anyway!
dragonvale19 12
:P id say something but i dont understand... First... :3
WCARlover 35
I'll just say bye bye to you now cause you're about to get buried
HarshD9619 34
That's the equivalent of a dentist saying, "This won't hurt a bit."
fifi125 21
Or "it's not pain, it's pressure"
Ms_ValS 27
Gotta admit though, your reaction was definitely severe. It does only result in cramping although slight would be a lie.
Mauskau 36
What have you had done in the dentist that hurts? I haven't had an injection to numb my gums for anything other than having teeth removed, because the injection itself hurts a lot more and stings afterwards, drilling just feels uncomfortable when they do it.
Brandi_Faith 34
"You're going to feel a bit of pressure," or "now this may feel a bit uncomfortable" = PAIN! Horrible horrible pain! Lol. I've been to a lot of doctors and had several minor procedures, and I don't get why they lie like this. It doesn't keep me more calm like I assume they think, it makes me panic that I'm feeling more pain then they said and it makes me scared that I'm in too far to stop now.
anatawabakadesu 6
To be honest, I feel like I'm the only one who doesn't mind the dentist. I don't know why.
squiros 2
i've always understood it to mean it won't hurt. . . for them. so the doctor meant that the scraping would only cause slight cramping for her. every time the dentist says it won't hurt, i punch them in the dick preemptively; for lying to me and to keep them in line for next time.
Askavi 37
#77 You must not have had many fillings or any that went near a nerve. I would not recommend having a root canal without anaesthetic.
TheCookieComet 23
Well, Shit.
Welshite 40
Exactly.
Dikle 9
Like a doctor says "this might sting abit"
mld4657 28
Well I hope to hell I never have to have one of those. I'll be scared shitless
finalyearsofhate 22
Technically that's what every pap test is.
mld4657 28
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
luckily they aren't required by law....
SadSouthernBell 18
That's how they check for cervical cancer.
mld4657 28
seeing as to how I'm female I do know how it's done
Leprekhaun 14
@39 correct me if im wrong but a pap smear is getting tissue by rubbing a qtip type thing on the cervix and a biopsy is taking a piece with a sharp edged knife?
Izabushel 65
#75. I was just writing a comment on the same thing. A biopsy is different to a Pap test. A Pap test they use a little brush to collect a few cells from the surface of the cervix. A biopsy is much more invasive and painful. They are actually removing tissue rather than a few surface cells. There are several kinds of biopsy but by the sounds of it, OP had a endocervical curettage, where they use a curette to scrap a tissue sample. Poor Dr Papanicolaous wife had Pap tests as they came to be known, every day for 21 years to collect samples as her husband researched ovulation cycles.
Rstein14 14
Ouch, feel better and pray you don't need another
marcusterry 14
I did the same thing. Except I was on a roller coaster..
Sazzles 17
Great start to your weekend OP. Feel better soon.
ashmix123 15
damn