Today, I had to get a prostate exam. Right before the doctor started, he told me that if I found it awkward at all, I should just imagine I was being probed by aliens. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as a going away present after five years of military service and one combat tour, the hospital scheduled me for a prostate exam. FML
Today, I was at the gynecologist and he was performing a routine check-up. He was a new doctor and I was just slightly uncomfortable with him. About mid-check-up, as he felt around my uterus, he said in a cartoonish voice, "Oh, it's so squishy up here." The doctor turned me into a sock puppet. FML
Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML
Today, I had a consultation for an upcoming surgery I need done. The doctor (who is very handsome and in his late twenties) asked me to flex my stomach and act like I was trying to use the bathroom. As I was enjoying him touching my stomach, I farted. FML
Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML
Today, my doctor told me to take off my pants so she could do a checkup. When I took them off, she gasped. When I asked what was wrong, she said she was expecting something else. She thought I was a dude. FML
Today, I got a breast exam. I'd never had one before, but assumed it would be quick and easy. I had no idea how ticklish my boobs are. I burst out in uncontrollable laughter and kept instinctively jerking away. FML
Today, I was very tense as I sat in the chair for my gyno appointment, so the doctor repeatedly told me to relax, in order for her to do the routine exam. I then overcompensated and relaxed so much, I accidentally farted in her face. FML
Today, while getting a breast exam for some suspicious lumps, I was lying on the table with my boobs exposed and I learned my doctor is afraid of wasps. I had to chase the wasp out whilst topless. FML
Today, at the age of 25, for the first time in my life, I was lying mostly naked in front of a man while he was inserting something in my body. Too bad that man was a doctor and that thing was a colonoscopy. FML
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Top comments
monicadempsy 5
Listen to your Doc damnit!
lukep135 6
I personally like to imagine a fat redneck stroking my rectum during prostate exams, but to each his own
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Comments (106)
groupleader 7
Nano nano..
danielwilliams57 6
The ****?
chels1994 11
That's awesome
monkeywrench1 10
Now THAT makes it creepy. (that supposed to make you happy?)
DocBastard 40
That's a great line! I am definitely stealing that and using it next time I do a rectal exam. Yes, I do rectal exams. No, I don't enjoy them. Much.
Ugi 27
My brother had to have an exam once and apparently said to the doc "aren't you at least supposed to buy me dinner first?". Not sure whether you would think that inappropriate, but I thought it was rather a good line!
1crabbygirl 10
Effin' with you head. And your bunghole. Was it DocBastard?
patrickalamo 48
Did he check it with both of his hands on your sholders... Now that would be just wrong.
mosquito19 14
did you make eye contact?
Bikrbum 6
OMG that's pretty funny when you're not the one being probed.
mustangkid21 0
Next time beat the shit out of him tell him to imagin he is in a boxing match!