Today, I was getting coffee with my aunt, and she asked me to pay. She then turned to the Barista and said, "He's never had a girlfriend before, and I wanted to show him that they take your money." The Barista laughed so hard she had to excuse herself. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I'm a barista at Starbucks. When my crush walked in and asked how much his coffee would cost, I said a date. He said he'd rather pay for the coffee. FML
Today, I went to my favorite café to order my usual iced latte. The barista smiled and said, “The usual, right?” I nodded confidently, except she wasn’t talking to me. She handed the drink to the guy behind me and said, “Thanks, babe.” He winked at her. I just paid for my drink in silence, praying for a sinkhole to open. FML
Today, I went up to a cute barista at the coffee shop and told her, “You make the best coffee, like seriously, you could make a career out of it.” She gave me a weird look and responded, “I AM a barista.” FML
Today, I walked into a coffee shop where I always flirt with the cute barista who I think likes me, and confidently told her I'd have "the usual." She just stared at me blankly and said, "I have literally never seen you before in my life." FML
Today, I went to a coffee shop with my friend. The guy rang her up and said it was only a dollar as he winked at her $10 purchase. Then he rang me up at completely full price. She got his number and I got to be the ugly friend once again. FML
Today, I tried to flirt with the cute barista by pretending to know a lot about coffee. I said, “I’ll take a macchiato, extra creamy.” He smiled and said, “That’s… not a thing.” I panicked and said, “Neither is my love life.” FML
Today, I went on an a date with a guy I met online. We were waiting in line at Starbucks when he turned to me and said, "Do you want anything?" Just before I was about to answer, he practically shoved in front of me and paid for himself. The cashier looked more horrified than I did. FML
Today, I was in the mood for some coffee, which is right down the street. I brought ten dollars with me, not knowing how much I'd need. When I approached the counter, the barista looked at my hand holding the ten-dollar bill and said, "Oh, our cheap things are on the left side of the menu." FML
Today, a woman came through my drive-thru and ordered a latte, but the bank had closed off her cards and she was short 30 cents in cash. I felt bad, so I paid for her. When I went home, I told my dad what I did, thinking he'd be proud of how he raised me but no, he said I'd wasted my money, and made me feel bad about it. FML
Today, I thought I was being smooth by using a pickup line on a cute barista. I confidently said, "Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears." She replied, "Actually, I'm a barista, and everyone else is waiting for their coffee. Next!" FML
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Top comments
countrygirl3250 16
and that's when you should have said; "and this is why you're on your third husband" regardless if she really is or not!
MetalxSoldier 26
And they embarrass you. Hmm... I think as long as you don't date your aunt out anyone like her you should be fine.
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Comments (75)
Valkyrie2012 4
Wait your aunt is he?
Z03y 7
Your aunt is a he?
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
Is your aunt some sort of sex changing shapeshifter by any chance?
MeLuvBewbs 7
Dafuq? I'm so confused...
digitaljunky 5
lol yeah your def not getting a girl with your aunt around!!
AwkwardPartyBear 24
I knew I wasn't the only one who had caught that!
AwkwardPartyBear 24
Sorry wrong FML. Ignore my comment
TurnpikeTwister 0
Whatever, OP got aunt-pwned; he better watch his back, but well-played Aunt Flo!
ss_20_xx 14
Yeah I think he definitely knows that and won't use his aunt as a wingwoman or something.
LookOnBrightSide 12
6- You're "def" not getting a girlfriend (or boyfriend) by using a diminutive for definitely. It's not that hard to spell out. Plus, I'm sure he was just hanging out with his aunt for one day. I doubt he does it on a regular basis.
yahoowizard 16
Although I feel that the grandma could transition in such a way to get OP the girl with her epicness, that is, if she wanted to.
simonsaysYDI 8
35 - Actually, considering the younger crowd these days, he's probably better off writing in that way. Cuz dey all type lyk dis ya no????
Drigr 9
I always thought aunt flo was a euphamism (sp?) for being on your period...
doubleea 3
52) There are too many vowels in your last sentence..
LookOnBrightSide 12
52-I'm 16. I am the 1% when it comes to grammar as far as the Internet goes.
thecubie123 0
Whats OP?.....
Boomshadow 3
Depends on the aunt. Maybe some aunts are good wingmen.
Chaosaiyan 6
Don't flatter yourself kid. You get confused. Nobody is the 1% of anything. So stop being a pretentious idiot and gain some modesty. And I do realise this is late.
MetalxSoldier 26
And they embarrass you. Hmm... I think as long as you don't date your aunt out anyone like her you should be fine.
ladyLALAA 29
I especially agree with not dating your aunt. Just putting it out there OP; 1) I think that may be illegal 2) Think of the children, won't somebody PLEASE think of the children 3) That's plain ****** up.
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
OP can marry his aunt, as long as she isn't gay.
shanemaximo 7
That's when you look at all the people who are surely now staring and loudly exclaim, "It's alright, the doctors said these outburst are a result of her late midlife crisis. Turning 55 is a bitch."
MeLuvBewbs 7
Dafuq I'm so confused...
ladyLALAA 29
It's ok Snooki, we don't expect much more!
MeLuvBewbs 7
Oh I get it now haha. I used my cuca instead of my brain this time. The aunt made a point that bitches be stealin money from boyfriends.
Gtaylorfication 0
Yupp spot on you got it!
KriiFahMoro 9
Couldn't have explained it better myself
Kurliegyrl 10
I'm sorry =[…
KriiFahMoro 9
Why are you sorry? Are you the OP's Aunt? If not, than please place foot in mouth.
daringtoride 27
Cold; I can't tell if your aunt was really trying to be mean, or make an funny (non-mean) joke. Sorry OP! Here, have a heart: Edit: Oops, can't add hearts. Sorry! Have an air heart then.
Cappiej 18
A funny* Sorry, I just had to
daringtoride 27
LOL oops. This what happens when you mess up your sleeping schedule, thus sleeping all day and up at the wee hours of the night (even now it's 5:51am, and I have yet to sleep.) Too lazy to edit it again!
countrygirl3250 16
and that's when you should have said; "and this is why you're on your third husband" regardless if she really is or not!