Today, I had a technical skill test as a nurse. My objective was to help the patient defecate, but my opening sentence came out as: "Hello, I'm Jan. I'm here to help you take a shit." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at my gynecologist's for my checkup and had this sudden urge to poop - but it was my turn, so I just went ahead to meet the doc. The doctor noticed that I wanted to poop and also informed all the orderlies that, "This patient wants to pass stool now." FML
Today, I was taking a dump at work at a nursing home. While reaching for the toilet paper, I accidently pushed the emergency button. The nursing supervisors broke into the washroom to help. FML
Today, I shat myself during a job interview. FML
Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML
Today, working as a CNA, my nurse convinced me that in order to collect a stool sample, you had to have the patient take a dump in your hand. I only found out he was kidding after I collected the sample. FML
Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML
Today, I was absolutely busting to poop, so badly that I began to sweat. This was while I was sitting a medical exam, and had to write in depth about the mechanical and chemical process of digestion. FML
Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML
Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML
Today, my ass decided that it was the perfect day to exhibit the diarrhea side-effect of medicine I'm taking. I definitely made a lasting impression on my interviewer. FML
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Top comments
NiiTeH 7
The best way to greet a patient.
ninjuh_wingman 29
Theres no way that couldve been awkward.
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Comments (80)
miyaviichan 27
That's too funny, dude.
hurrican_fml 0
Well that's the truth
deadmommy06 6
Lol.
Jasonf6 0
Well, it was true. :)
Torialovesya 0
Jan the shit man
friedeggyolive 7
ahahahah! :D except that where he's from, Jan is pronounced more like "yawn" so it doesn't actually rhyme... but trust me to ruin a joke with technicalities XD
Clarice1 9
LOL. Oh how I wish there were more nurses like you. Honestly, if I were the patient, that intro would totally earn my trust in you as a healthcare provider (and as an amusing person with whom I can bond over our mutual passion for merciless verbal attacks my uncooperative colon). You won't have the whole involuntary-spewing-profanity issue when there's not an examiner lurking right behind you, but if you do find some people who prefer the "hospital? F that S!" approach, I would not be at all surprised.
BlackIce911 17
Would have been better if you told the patient "I'm here to make sure you give a shit."
ashhketchum 0
hah, if I was your patient that would have made my day.
PaigeySlade 7
L. M. A. O. F***ing win
ouchie1013 0
the only one ever that made me laugh out loud!