Today, I had a technical skill test as a nurse. My objective was to help the patient defecate, but my opening sentence came out as: "Hello, I'm Jan. I'm here to help you take a shit." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at my gynecologist's for my checkup and had this sudden urge to poop - but it was my turn, so I just went ahead to meet the doc. The doctor noticed that I wanted to poop and also informed all the orderlies that, "This patient wants to pass stool now." FML
Today, I was taking a dump at work at a nursing home. While reaching for the toilet paper, I accidently pushed the emergency button. The nursing supervisors broke into the washroom to help. FML
Today, I shat myself during a job interview. FML
Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML
Today, working as a CNA, my nurse convinced me that in order to collect a stool sample, you had to have the patient take a dump in your hand. I only found out he was kidding after I collected the sample. FML
Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML
Today, I was absolutely busting to poop, so badly that I began to sweat. This was while I was sitting a medical exam, and had to write in depth about the mechanical and chemical process of digestion. FML
Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML
Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML
Today, my ass decided that it was the perfect day to exhibit the diarrhea side-effect of medicine I'm taking. I definitely made a lasting impression on my interviewer. FML
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Top comments
NiiTeH 7
The best way to greet a patient.
ninjuh_wingman 29
Theres no way that couldve been awkward.
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Comments (80)
heyyitsbeezyyy 0
okay, 12, I'm actually not jealous of anything, this is just a stupid fml. and 13, people actually do care what I think. so you can stfu. thanks. :)
borkchop1992 15
Did the creepy old guy get an erection?
xXxIracebethxXx 14
It didn't say the patient was an old man. It didn't even say if the patient was old, or even a man, for that matter, fucktard.
Nightvenom 0
He is asking a valid question. There is always a creepy old man somewhere. They are like pedo-bear only creepy
JAB2010 1
It also could've simply been a plastic (or whatever) dummy, and not a real person at all.
piccalo 4
OP is a guy.
desireev 18
30- You use the word 'fucktard' entirely too much! It's very rude. Your comment would have been completely okay if you wouldn't have said that. Comments like yours are the ones who start all of the flame-wars. Learn to be nice or don't say anything at all!
bluebeau7 0
I agree with desireev! 30 is obviously suffering from down syndrome.
DaleksAreEpic 0
mean-face.
massacreman3000 1
id have shit just laughing. problem solved.
unidentifieduser 23
Well, I can't think of a better introduction than that...
AugustBurnsToast 14
she then continued with, 'so spread those cheeks and let's get the fun started!'
jazzmin1997 16
Well actually Jan is a boy's name in the Netherlands :p
AcidLacedBong 5
At least you broke the tension!!
extradorkyloser 4
Why in the world would you say that during a test?! Didn't they have a lesson on that...?
MrSchneebly 5
Yes you are totally right, lesson one of nursing school "never tell your patient you will help them take a shit"
extradorkyloser 4
Jeez. I meant on how to approach certain uncomfortable topics for the sake of patients. When you already need someone to help you go to the bathroom, your self esteem is pretty low.
chubby_choco 17
It's nice to know you never had nerves during a test, 23, but some of us are only human.
Cryptic_Equinox 0
114- or maybe there is something wrong with your health, that makes it so you have trouble using the bathroom...?
Ms_Krazie 4
Well wasn't that your job in the first place? It's ok you were nervous it's understandable.
watdenkjevanfeli 0
The moment i read "Jan" I knew you were Dutch hahaha
lizard399 0
I don't understand what you think is so funny.
ToySoldier92 7
It's a very typical Dutch name. :-P
benmec 18
New drinking game.... Who can chug down prune juice the fastest! Ready? Go!