Today, I got to my apartment early after being out really late the night before. Maybe next time I should call ahead of time so that my roommate has time to sneak my girlfriend out of his bedroom. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was sleeping in after working a graveyard shift. I awoke to my girlfriend sneaking her stuff out of the house. She planned on leaving her key on my pillow and taking off without any notice whatsoever. FML
Today, I tried sneaking over to my girlfriend's house to be romantic and knocked on her window. She went and got her mother to see who was at the window. FML
Today, I came home from a long day from work, only to find a strange woman in my apartment. She explained that my roommate told her it was OK to spend a few days here. I guess he forgot that the room was mine. FML
Today, I got off work early to go home and surprise my girlfriend with lunch, only to come home to her in the middle of packing up all of her stuff. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend to see if he wanted to come over to my house. He said he couldn't because he was out of town. That would have be perfectly acceptable, if I hadn't called him on his house phone. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at her house while her parents went out to eat and a movie. Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door, it was her mom. We had left all of our clothes downstairs. Safe to say I won't be allowed there any more. FML
Today, I couldn't find my key so I sat against the wall to wait for my roommate to get home. I fell asleep. When I woke up a few hours later, I could hear her inside. She chose not to wake me up and let me in. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by showing up at his place unannounced with some take-out food. I got there just in time to see him leave his block of flats with another girl. FML
Today, my roommate asked me to lock the door as we left our place. I told her to use my keys, because my hands were full. Afterwards, she and her boyfriend set off out of town for the next couple of days. She forgot to give me back my keys. FML
Today, I had to work late. Due to delayed trains and a missed connection, it was almost midnight when I finally got home. When I walked into the bedroom, I found my girlfriend wearing sexy lingerie and fast asleep. FML
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Top comments
Teebean 0
Man that sucks.
Xaviara 0
eeshk!! Sorry dude, well you're way better off at least you know now she's like that
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Comments (84)
TriniRockStar 0
dump her and kick him out !
Jewelofagal 2
And you were out late the night before because.................?????
Books4Me 0
Do they really need to explain themselves? They're an adult.
Harpy20 24
HAHA! "they're an adult" from "Books4me". It couldn't get any worse than that.
Kickmehard 0
Oh man that is brutal. What did you do??
janjorisdeman 1
http://www.fmylife.com/love/6066680 Look at the author. These aren't the only two either... how many girlfriends and bad breakups can one guy have in a week eh?
OLOtheDemigodess 0
wow... you're right. This looks fake
ZPyRoGoDz 5
#16 in both my posts my girlfriend is the same person to all the ppl who ask y i wasnt out with her its cuz she had work Nov 1st so i went ok with my friends and i usually call ahead to see who is there cuz i normally dont bring my keys out to get back in and #47 thank you for clarifying that for everyone
Witchcraft_fml 5
Sooooo let me get this straight, since you say both posts are about the same girl... Your girlfriend cheated on you with your best friend. BUT, you obviously didn't break up with her for it, because in your other FML, SHE dumped YOU for being bedridden with the flu. Otherwise, she dumped you for being bedridden and then took you back, but obviously by then you should have figured out what a 'yotch she is BEFORE she cheated on you.
knights95 9
What you know about witchcraft?
perdix 31
You were out two nights in a row without your girlfriend. Why couldn't you see that she might crave some attention? I'm thinking you are one of these "bros before hos" douchebags who spends lots of time with his male buddies and thinks your girlfriend ought to sit at home alone and be thankful for the occasional chance to bask in your testosterone-fueled masculinity. Your roommate just grabbed an opportunity you created by neglecting your woman. Real men prefer the company of the woman they love to the He-Man Woman Haters' Club, at least most of the time. Go play with your boyfriends, then yourself. YDI, QED.
quizikall 0
OH 2 whole lonely nights i must **** someone else. if a man were like that you'd probably say to beat the shit out of him
BritishHobo 0
Oh hey, it's Captain Ridiculous Assumptions! Or the OP's girlfriend. Either way you're a *****.
Amysbodybetrayal 0
Directed at the two replies above me: Perdix was kidding. He isn't really saying a guy can't go two nights without his girlfriend. He's making what you might call a "joke."
Harpy20 24
Honestly, just reading the FML you can't assume what kind of person he is. If he posted it on FML, obviously cares at least a little. Guys with the "bros b4 hoes" attitude wouldn't care at all, and would be happy for the newly assumed "single" status, and it wouldn't even have made to FML.
chriisteex 10
That's a lot of assumptions based on one small post...
donor25 0
At least you still have a sense of humor!
keenaz 0
18, maybe the girlfriend brushed him off to be with the room mate....bitch.
Luv_my_life 0
Aww that sucks man
DJ_Grim 0
Spend more time with the girl you're with, idiot.
quizikall 0
bitch you're probably a girl and if the sexes were opposite in this fml you would freak out
DJ_Grim 0
Gotta love people that get anal over comments on the internet. Also, I'm a guy, idiot.
patticake1601 0
why would you call ahead? this way you get to see the asshole that you live with and the two timing cow that WAS your girlfriend. you should be able to go out as late as you want without two people you trust banging each other